disturbance.

there may be something inside. but there's also a possibility that that something is absent. or maybe that something is just waiting all this while for you to give life to it. and it is a matter of time before you can actually find out what exactly is happening. but sometimes, that moment never comes. then you kept yourself wondering over and over again over something you're unsure of that you just don't have the courage to find out.

helpless.

threw yourself on the bed. staring at the ceiling for hours. thinking about... nothing. then you bring yourself to thinking about some other memories you had in the past. sad/happy memories. whatever. you dug out everything, every single thing that could bring memories of the past back to you.

brought back your smile and also had tears in your eyes.

you go on to do other things to keep your mind set on that specific thing you're doing, and when you're really into it, although you are really truly into it

you go back to thinking about that thing that has been disturbing you all this while.

you want it to stop..but you couldn't control them.

you get so tired thinking about it. but u couldn't stop yourself. and you don't know what can you do to stop this. or should i put it this way, there's nothing you could do to stop this thought.

so you actually thought you know exactly what you're thinking, but you get confused after thinking about it over and over again. you thought you know what you're doing, but you just don't know.

so what is this bullshit.