First of
all, thank you, Jenn, for being honest with me and to share your feelings. I
appreciate it to know, because I know most of the time, among us, there’s never
an opportunity to really talk.
As you
wrote, yes, it might be difficult for me to share as much as you did, or even
to share. Probably you’d also understand how it feels to not share, maybe we
stand on the same page when it comes to sharing troubled times. I don’t know
about you, but for me, whenever I am at my most difficult, I seek laughter to
lighten up, rather than following by “a problem shared a problem halved”.
I have
left to this foreign land for +/- 7 years, maybe you, and the rest might feel
that I have not stop whining about homesickness. It may come as a little
annoying, but truth be told, from day 1 to this very day, it was never
anybody’s responsibility to make me feel at home – it does all fall back on me
and what I choose to feel and do about my life in a foreign land. That being said,
I have my greatest friends -- you all, because you all are my remedy to sanity,
my savior. What you (all), do or don’t do, I have no expectations, therefore,
you (all) will never do anything to help that is damaging.
Unhappy,
yes. Missing home, always. Surely life does not wait, I could not agree with
you more, and I think I have at some point, come to terms with reality that I
am. Here. One thing I am confused about is, where did you get the idea of your
help seem to be wrong everytime. Your help and your friendship and our
friendship have always been right, one of the few things that is right in my
life.
There is
no excuse for my actions sometimes. I regret them but sometimes my regretful
actions seem so right for me. I disappear you say, but believe me, it was hard
to exist. It may sound pathetic to you that I fail to be a strong person, but
being a strong person all the time is not an easy task. I speak of feelings
maybe you do not quite understand because we have never worn each others’
shoes, therefore you feel how you feel, and I do what I do. Deactivating my
Facebook was probably my most drastic act to disconnect but it gave me certain
kind of calm; never actually anyone’s fault – I miss you all so much when I did
because I know what I will miss will never wait for me, but then again, what
will not wait for me I will not be there for it anyway.
When I
had to think of what to fill in the blank, I had absolutely no idea. I had to
Google, ask Bing, WikiAnswers still I didn’t know. So I turned to the one person
that might possibly know and I got the whole story, as accurate as we think it
is. And oh my gah, I have never been that mistaken and misunderstood before. I
am plenty krazy, but I will never succumb to negative peer pressure. I believe
in experiences but never in anything detrimental, or anything that people close
to me will not be proud of. If one day I ever do, I have fallen off the edge.
Keeping
in touch is like an endless marathon, once you stop running, you lose the
rhythm. And in this run, I’ve stopped many times, but I am forever grateful
that no matter, we are always like how we always are, never letting our out of
touch affect how we love and care for each other. I know you and every SCBs are
my bestest of friends hence I have the confidence to stop running and know that
nothing in between us will ever change. On my part, I know you all have each
other…
Life is
filled with battles, some people have it easier, some have it hard.
Unfortunately, sometimes people closest to you are the ones that are causing
these battles and there’s nothing that anyone can do to fight these battles for
you but yourself.
I always wonder if I am the lucky or unlucky one?
Sincerely,
Your guest blogger
1 comment:
Hacked by Jane??
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