S H I T H A P P E N S .

My definition of itch has changed tremendously over a very short time period.

Just 3 weeks back, a normal mosquito bite, would make me scratch already.
3 weeks later, give me a hundred mosquito bites, I can tell you I dont feel anything.

Cuz what I am experiencing now is far worst than that. I'd prolly develop some sort of immunity against normal itch already. The type of itch I am having right now is beyond explicable.

I am getting them 24/7, over the past 3 weeks. I can't sleep well. I often wake up to find myself struggling to prevent myself from scratching. But sometimes. I.CANT.STOP.MYSELF.

***

What i say may, or may not reflect what i feel.

You know the feeling when you wake up, feeling all drowsy for that good initial 3mins? That's the best time to quickly get yourself back to sleep. You miss that first 3mins, then you become like the night owl. Your eyes dont seem to want to close anymore.

Then you spend another few minutes to an hour or so, thinking... about a lot of things. Wondering... why shit happens? for no reason? or just observing your surrounding, and then you get so frustrated about yourself when you see your sister sleeping so well beside you. And there you are struggling to go back to sleep again, with your itch, at 4am in the morning. Repeating the whole process all over again.

Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.

How frustrating is that??

And it is even more frustrating when you finally reach the last stage, when it feels like winning a million dollar lottery, to find yourself waking up in the middle of the night, having to repeat the whole freaking process all over again!

Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.
Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.
Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.
Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.

.
.
.
.
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Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.

I need sleeping pills.

Ok, now that being said. Sometimes, I find myself wondering(prolly during one of those banguntengahmalam 4am period) about people who think they know everything.

For example, when I say, "I am O.K."

Does that really tell you that I am ok? Have you ever wondered otherwise?

You think you understood everything about me.

Really?

"A little bit la.." "No, not pain anymore."

And people tend to generalize these and make general mental conclusions that will stick there in their heads.

How do you know that I am telling the truth?

Some times, things are better left unsaid than said. Cuz when you say them out there, it become exposed to vulnerability.

And some times, it is tough to act strong. But what options do you have? When you have been this way for your life?

A lot of people judge things based on what they know, what is being told to them. And they jump into conclusion without making any further analysis or evaluation of a situation. People take short cuts. Who dont like short cuts anyway? So I'm not saying that this is something wrong, o bad. We are all humans. And it is only normal that we are doing all these things. But sometimes people can be so carried away in their own world, they tend to miss out on important clues, other vitals pieces of puzzles that will certainly assist them in coming out with a conclusion that makes more sense in real, real life situations.

***

For those of you who are still wondering out there, I have seen 2 doctors, a GP and a skin specialist, twice respectively, but both cant tell what's wrong with me. I have just seen another doctor in Ipoh yesterday; a skin specialist as well. Um, he seemed to know what he is doing. So, keep my fingers crossed. I'm currently on medication. I'm on sick leave till the 31st. Been missing my Finals, maybe Mid-terms as well as my classes. Well, I just want to get better. Leave the rest to be worried about when I recover. If I recover.


And thank you all for your encouraging messages on Facebook. I got all of them. And am happy that I have so many people who cared about me. :)