looking back

coming out from the shower, i prepared myself for the afternoon. as i was having my lunch, my 'bak chang', i did some flashbacks on the year that was. to be a lil more specific, i was trying to recall the memories i had during netball trainings for mssd..

those memories got me back into the past, i was having exactly the same feelings i had during the 4 years (2004-2007) of competition, and then watching my girls play under my coaching in 2008. of course, i was not alone, jane was there with me too. it was such a thrill, to be able to play netball again and be a part of it. i wished that will never end.

i missed those moments. a lot. come to think of it, i actually do not have the chance to play netball like i used to play anymore. i had just come to this realization when jane called and spoke about that. yes, perhaps i can join any team in town now and play but will it ever be the same?

NEVER.

those experiences i had with my team were priceless. and i am glad i was a part of that team. playing netball gives me confidence, discipline, inspiration, motivation and of course, self-satisfaction.

there was also a point in my life when i felt so helpless and hopeless. 'tiada hala tuju' .
there was no more netball for me. and that time was the first time ever in my life that i had this kinda feeling in me. that one week of depression had me thinking a lot, about injustice in everyone's life.

as i parked my car outside the school, which is the host for this year's netball competition, i was still thinking about it. well, i told myself, i'll just greet my teachers, and maybe one or two good referees left in the whole district of LM&S, and ignore those bias referees multiplying faster than any cancerous cell in the world who had the tournament arranged the way they would like the ending to be. a look at them makes me sick. a second look, i would throw up, blood. yes, that's right. they are incurable cancers, destroying young people's dreams to achieve success. all they care about is achieving their own goals, whether this school with the best 'chat hai chai' ref, or that school, who had the most influential ref in the netball sport. they do not give a damn about quality or the standard of the game. what the hell is this all about?

corruption, i dare say, may be one of the factors here too. well, nobody knows. in a country like ours, its happening all over the place. in my 4 years of involvement, never been once the concept of winning is 'may-the-best-man-win' kinda thing. we had to work super hard in comparison to other team even when my team won in 2005. we knew if we didn't want to be a victim of this filthy group of people, we could lose anytime. for no concrete reason. and no one would give a shit. we were the minorities here. so we had to do something. and the only thing we could do as a school player was to have an enormous amount of patience in us, play the best of our best, and pray hard for a good outcome. as the ref would do everything she could to kick us out of the game, we had to. even if we were misjudged, we shall keep quiet.

anyway i walked into the school compound, asked for direction, and a while later, there i was on the field. breathing the air of netball. only two courts were set up for the competition. i scanned the whole place for my school team, and finally, there they are in blue and red, representing my house and jane's. i walked across the muddy field holding, in my left hand, a paperbag filled with cny cookies and some oranges for my teacher, and my car keys in my right. i could see them jumping and catching the ball and having fun. well, that's a good start. they couldn't see me walking towards them until i was about 20feet apart that they noticed me. they ran to me like i was santa claus or smtg. i could see all their happy faces. and thats when i realised how much i missed these people. how much i missed playing netball and going through tough training sessions with them. they have somehow been a part of my life before.

i gave them a huge hug and well, surprise them with my memory, i am not that old though. they were expecting me to remember all of their names, thank god i did not miss anyone, or so i thought. haha. they gathered around me and asked how i was and stuff like that. it feels good to be around these people again. really.

served them while they're practising in the field. i could not get myself to join them in the warming up session. i wanted very much to do so but there was something missing. and i knew immediately, my netball partner and friend was not here to share this moment of joy and excitement with me, the way we did for 5 years. wished she was here too.

the u-18 have a match at 3.25pm, against a school of average strength, dr. it was their second match of the day, i missed the first one in the morning where they beat tmgs 12-6. i could not be there as i had school. wished i was there though. to defend my school players and not let others destroy their spirit. did not know tmgs players has turned this worse. i thought only db players are like that. the way they speak are of a such high standard. perfect. cursing. cursing. and again, cursing. take my hat off to them man. they are superb.

i was told our u-15 lost their 3rd round to tmgs. and because of these tmgs players' high standard of attitude, the true winner here is our u-15 girls. yes, they are.
as the u-18 prepared for their match, i wished them all the best and told them to have fun. and then i stood by the side of the court, where i used to be, facing my ga and gs, to yell simple-reminders-which-they-tend-to-forget at them. i was actually nervous for them too.

they scored the first goal of the match. and proceeded on to scoring more and more nice shots. all in all, today's match was a fair one. we were the stronger group, and so we won with the score of 21-6. a considerably good achievement, but i'm sure they could do much better than that.

well, all the best to the u-18 playing tomorrow, i may and may not be with you girls but i'll be praying hard for all of you. may you play your best and have the time of your life.