smile

ooi ee jane. i hate to admit it, but yes, she has the most b.e.a.utiful handwriting in the world.

shuhpyng. i miss her.

mizen. without a doubt, the only profesional hokkien rapper in the world.

yan is so obsessed.

shea yuin is cute at times.

sui ying is all over ducks. quack quack!

mei chen equals violence.

miss cheng tee xin is hiao cha bo.

agnes is so not herself.

khai li. let's partaaaaaaaay!

poh juan equals violence, too. lots n lots of them.

serena is all about world peace.

jing rui. ke-blur-an tahap maksimum.

. . .

footprints in the sand

.

you walked with me, footprints in the sand
and helped me understand where i'm going
you walked with me when i was all alone
with so much i know along the way
then i heard you say

i promise you, i'm always there
when your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
i'll carry you when you need a friend
you'll find my footprints in the sand

i see my life flash across the sky
so many times have i been so afraid
and just when i have thought i lost my way
you give me strength to carry on
that's when i heard you say

i promise you, i'm always there
when your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
and i'll carry you when you need a friend
you'll find my footprints in the sand

when i'm weary, well, i know you'll be there
and i can feel you when you say

i promise you, i'm always there
when your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
i'll carry you when you need a friend
you'll find my footprints in the sand

emptiness

helped my mum with cny cookies.
read novels.
searched, downloaded, watched movies.
fb-ing sometimes.
out of order most of the time.
at home all the time.
don't wanna bug myself with 'thoughts' yet. i'm sick of it for now.
decisions decisions decisions. arrgghhh.

i know. i know. i've been blogging about stuff that's been really annoying. cant help it. i gotta let it go, or else i might go crazy. actually, i think i'm on my way there already.

i hate it when nobody understands me.
and i hate it most when you think you understand me better than myself.
you speak about me as if you live in me.
sometimes i prefer to keep my problems to myself. so just leave me alone.

i wonder how others feel when they get really really mad at someone.

all of us feel angry, at least occasionally. most of the time when we get angry, we get over it quickly because, somehow, we resolve the situation and our feelings of anger pass. agree?

but when u get really really mad at that someone, what do u do?
>1. hit other people?
>2. shout at or hurt that person's feelings?
>3. break things?
>4. keep quiet and refuse to talk to anyone?
>5. hurt yourself?

the last time i got seriously upset with someone was way back in 2004. (i think) i don't really remember what the reason was, but it was rather bad. i remember myself shaking so badly when i yelled at her, in front of everyone. but at the same time, another person in me wished i didn't have to do this at all. it hurts both party, to be in a fight. it really does. and the last thing i remember, i walked out of the classroom and never talked to her again.

Until one day, in class, she passed a small note to me saying, "jenn, are you still angry at me? sorry." my heart crushed at the moment i saw that message. i don't know why i'd felt that way. but then i realised i have been hurting her too and she still do care about my feelings. argh..i felt so so so bad. i hate to hurt people's feelings. i felt so guilty that without much thinking, i immediately scribbled a reply to her saying, "huh, why would i be angry at you?" (as if nothing has ever happened) and we reconciled and became friends again and stayed happy ever since.

i laugh at this memory now.
anyway, the person i was is more or less the person i am now. i don't think i have changed much.
just that i have millions of second thoughts before firing at someone, cause i really really hate hurting people.

aaah. but there is one i never regret doing. it wasnt about hurting anyone. it was something i felt i need and must do. so that i could face myself in the future. it happened in 09. i don't know where i got the courage from. but i feel the need, the responsibility to say something, to stand up for myself and my friends. and i did it. i was shaking, again. far worse than the one i had in 04. but it felt good. so good that i fired everything i want to say in one breath, in front of a hundred students or so. and i am glad i did it. of course, a lot of disagreement came right after. but, to my surprise, sir backed me up, along with some other friends. and i was so glad he did because i can already feel the tears building up in my eyes. they were tears of anger. but i felt good.

stop pushing me for an answer i have already given you. for a person like me, i would have already thought about it for at least a million times before giving you the answer. or else, i would have just simply give you an answer without thinking about it at all. it's either i take it seriously and think about it or not at all. you just don't know me well enough if you do not want to accept it.

.

it is already hard for me to make a decision. now that i finally have an answer, let's just make the best out of it. but you doubted it. so what can i do? give you an answer that you wanted? then i would have to lie, which i definitely won't.

.

her words are still echoing in my head. they clear my mind a little. but lets just say, it is my future that i'm facing. i may seem like i don't care, but deep inside no one knows what i am thinking except myself. so stop pretending as if you know me so well.

L.O.S.T.

i think i have lost myself.

.

i don't know whether i was really leading a life i wanted for the past 2 years (except for that 2 months or more).

.

i don't know if i was myself.

.

i have lost a precious possession. something i used to have and must have to continue with my life. to become who i used to be and who i will be. i don't know where it went. it faded slowly while i continue living a life of emptiness. it was not until today that i finally realise it was the absence of it that has kept me from the real me.

.

i think it was partly because of the slight change of environment around me. however, if i were to be somewhere else, i think i will lose myself competely.

.

OR

.

another cause would be because i was lying to myself all this while. but, was i? why would i?

.

so, why?

.

where can i find it? will i ever find it back?

.

oh my god. help me.

The Changeling (2008)

A grief-stricken mother takes on the LAPD to her own detriment when it stubbornly tries to pass off an obvious impostor as her missing child, while also refusing to give up hope that she will find him one day.

Based on a true story.

Single parent Christine Collins (Angelina Jolie) is a supervisor at the local telephone exchange who, having returned home late from having to work overtime on a Saturday, finds her 9 year old son Walter (Gattlin Griffith) is missing from their home. As the days and weeks go by, the Collins case becomes the object of a campaign by Pastor Gustav Briegleb who rails against the incompetence and corruption of the Los Angeles police Department. Soon, the police arrive with the news that they have found her boy but when the lad is turned over to her, she realizes that the police have returned a stranger to her in an attempt to bring an end to the public complaints about their handling of her case. Her attempts to get justice bring her into conflict with the LAPD who will go to any length to protect their reputation. When she joins a minister in his public criticism of the police, they in turn use government power to silence and intimidate her. When she continues to complain she finds herself arrested and confined to the mental ward..

The story is set in 1920s, during which corruption and power abuse is at it highest.

Directed by Clint Eastwood, this deep and daring movie is worth the watch.

.

Do take some time off to watch this remarkable movie.

The only thing in life achieved without effort is failure.

Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.

Love, and you shall be loved.

We gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face. We must do the thing which we think we cannot do.

Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped.

jennifer.

i was waiting for so long

for a miracle to come

everyone told me to be strong

hold on and don't shed a tear

so through the darkness and good times

i knew i'd make it through

and the world thought i had it all

but i was waiting for you

hush now

i see a light in the sky

oh, it's almost blinding me

i can't believe i've been touched by an angel

with love

let the rain come down

and wash away my tears

let it fill my soul

and drown my tears

let it shatter the walls

for a new sun

a new day has come

where it was dark now there is light

where there was pain, now there's joy

where there was weakness, i found my strength

all in the eyes of a boy

hush now

i see a light in the sky

oh, it's almost blinding me

i can't believe i've been touched by an angel

with love

trouble, a friend?

something has been troubling me lately.

i know. stpm is nearing. i should not be thinking about anything else except my studies.

i know.

but thoughts cannot be controlled.

whatever that is around seemed to worth something for me to think about.

whatever it is.

anything.

happenings around me.

as if they were my problems.

why?

personality psychology

~initiative~

~talented~

~responsibility~

~caring~

~quiet~

~shy~

~sensitivity~

~dependable~

~easygoing~

~independent~

~courageous~

~outdoor~

~interesting~

We are naturally attracted to individuals who are different from ourselves - and therefore somewhat exciting. But it's not just the exciting differences which attract us to our opposites, it is also a natural quest for completion.

We naturally are drawn towards individuals who have strengths which we are missing. There is also the theory that our natural attraction to our opposites is a subconscious way of forcing us to deal with the weaker aspects of our own nature. So in a sense, our attraction to the opposite personality can be seen as our subconscious minds driving us towards becoming a more complete individual, by causing us to face the areas in life which are most difficult to us.

On the other hand, the same cannot be said for other kinds of relationships. When it comes to work colleagues, or friends, we are not especially interested in dealing with people who are very unlike ourselves. We are most comfortable with those who have similar interests and perspectives, and we do not show a lot of motivation or patience for dealing with our opposites.

Analyzing motives and putting oneself in other people's shoes in order to understand their behavior

*sensitiveness

Seeking encouragement and support from others and appreciating being aided when in need

*neediness

Doing one's best in objective or difficult tasks and achieving recognition

*achievement

disturbance.

there may be something inside. but there's also a possibility that that something is absent. or maybe that something is just waiting all this while for you to give life to it. and it is a matter of time before you can actually find out what exactly is happening. but sometimes, that moment never comes. then you kept yourself wondering over and over again over something you're unsure of that you just don't have the courage to find out.

helpless.

threw yourself on the bed. staring at the ceiling for hours. thinking about... nothing. then you bring yourself to thinking about some other memories you had in the past. sad/happy memories. whatever. you dug out everything, every single thing that could bring memories of the past back to you.

brought back your smile and also had tears in your eyes.

you go on to do other things to keep your mind set on that specific thing you're doing, and when you're really into it, although you are really truly into it

you go back to thinking about that thing that has been disturbing you all this while.

you want it to stop..but you couldn't control them.

you get so tired thinking about it. but u couldn't stop yourself. and you don't know what can you do to stop this. or should i put it this way, there's nothing you could do to stop this thought.

so you actually thought you know exactly what you're thinking, but you get confused after thinking about it over and over again. you thought you know what you're doing, but you just don't know.

so what is this bullshit.

Lucky

Do you hear me,

I'm talking to you

Across the water across the deep blue ocean

Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams

I feel your whisper across the sea

I keep you with me in my heart

You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes

Waiting for a love like this

Every time we say goodbye

I wish we had one more kiss

I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea

To an island where we'll meet

You'll hear the music, fell the air

I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through trees

Move so pretty you're all I see

As the world keeps spinning round

You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

Jatuh

Di manakah pemandangan terindah di dunia?

Puas ku cari setelah jauh melangkah

Hingga takdir menyuluh ke arah mu

Ku temu pemandangan itu terlakar di wajahmu

Dengan setiap renungan

Terpesona ku rasakan

Dengan setiap belaianmu hati makin tersentuh

Oh kasih, oh kasih

Ku berterima kasih

Padamu kerana menyempurnai hidupku

Dalam berjuta-jutaan lagu

Tiada satupun dapat menenteramkan kalbu

Melainkan bila kau menyebut

Ke telinga bahawa kau juga sayang padaku

Dengan setiap lafaz kata

Harapan makin menyinar

Untuk kita bersama membina hidup bahagia

it stinks and KILLS

trials has finally ended. i've been waiting for so long for this weekend. at last, i could take some time out and relax, at least for the weekend.

spent most of my time searching for guitar chords for new songs. and playing fish-a-fish on facebook. lol.

i hate people who smokes. putting their own lives in danger is not enough that they have to put our lives in danger as well?

i have this neighbour who likes to spy on my house whenever my family and i are out. i don't know what's his problem. when my mum told me about it, i thought she was just thinking too much, but my mum wouldn't say or accuse anyone of anything if she's unsure about it. kept it to myself though, but i became more aware of him now.

i did notice whenever i come back from fetching my sis back from school or tui, he would be wandering around outside his house compound looking into my house. i acted cool. pretended i didn't see him. it happen a lot of times already. when he sees me, he'll pretend to walk back into his house and act like nothing happen. until today i'm still trying to figure out exactly what he is trying to do. (mind u, he's over 60)

the fact that he smokes everyday, day and night doesn't help either. he will be outside his compound smoking whenever he smokes, and the smoke'll get into my house and get everyone in my family choking. i don't know how many cigarettes he smoke everyday, but i can tell you he's a heavy smoker.

other than that, he has a habit of throwing his cigarette butt into my house compund. wth.

u want to spy on my house, spy lah. u want to smoke pun, smoke lah. but please, keeping your house compound clean and shiny, and get my house all polluted with your filthy cigarette butt.

omg. so uncivilised. now, while i'm typing this, he's smoking again. got to switch off my exhaust fan or it'll get worse.

i saw a few whenever i do house chores outside, and my mum have seen the most. for the first few months, she would just sweep them. after that, she got so fed up, that she resolved to throwing them back into his compound. serve him right.

"friendship? yes, please. "

There is something i want to share with everyone today.

Here it is -

I was sitting on a chair in my living room when the house phone rang. Jo picked up the phone, and her expression changed immediately after hearing what seemed to be a very shocking news. She covers the receiver and whispers to me that my friend has just passed away. That call was from my friend’s mum. I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to do. I sat there, my mind blank.

Is this how it felt like? The death of your closest friend/relative? I couldn’t believe my ears. I do not want to believe it. She’s only 18. Has not even celebrated her 19^th birthday and God is taking her life away already? So soon?

No. This can’t be true.

My sis put down the phone, and told me the funeral is the day after tomorrow. She told her (my friend’s) mum we’ll all be there for the funeral.

I finally found my voice. “Jo, did she say what the cause of her death was?”

***

A lot of stuff flashed across my mind. Memories of us with a bunch of friends hanging out together, laughed, cried, and celebrated together.

And of course, procrastinating together too. Mustn’t miss that out.

I went to bed at night, still not knowing how to face the fact. I do silently wish when i wake up the next day, it would be just a dream gone bad. Sadly though, when i woke up and ask my sis if all these things happening yesterday were true, it was a nod.

Knowing your closest friend has just passed on...

I just couldn’t tell how bad it felt.

We did so many things together. But yet, there are still many things out there waiting for us to do.

***

I woke up again the next day, telling myself this is not true. No, it is not true.

And thank god, it is NOT true. It was a stupid dream that i had all this while. Stupid stupid stupid dream. Scares the hell out of me. Worst dream ever. I do hope i’ll never get this kinda dream ever ever again. I don’t think i can take it if it comes attacking me the 2^nd time.

Anyway, her ‘death’ was due to lack of sleep and overwork.

So to all of you out there who gets less than 7 hours of sleep every day, please, PLEASE CHANGE YOUR SLEEPING ROUTINE N.O.W. Although it is just a dream, but having insufficient rest/sleep will really really take your life away.

"This is a COMMUNITY SERVICE BROUGHT TO YOU BY J.E.N.N.I.F.E.R."

Over & out.

The world would be so lonely in sunny hours or gray,

Without the gift of friendship to help us every day.

looking back

coming out from the shower, i prepared myself for the afternoon. as i was having my lunch, my 'bak chang', i did some flashbacks on the year that was. to be a lil more specific, i was trying to recall the memories i had during netball trainings for mssd..

those memories got me back into the past, i was having exactly the same feelings i had during the 4 years (2004-2007) of competition, and then watching my girls play under my coaching in 2008. of course, i was not alone, jane was there with me too. it was such a thrill, to be able to play netball again and be a part of it. i wished that will never end.

i missed those moments. a lot. come to think of it, i actually do not have the chance to play netball like i used to play anymore. i had just come to this realization when jane called and spoke about that. yes, perhaps i can join any team in town now and play but will it ever be the same?

NEVER.

those experiences i had with my team were priceless. and i am glad i was a part of that team. playing netball gives me confidence, discipline, inspiration, motivation and of course, self-satisfaction.

there was also a point in my life when i felt so helpless and hopeless. 'tiada hala tuju' .
there was no more netball for me. and that time was the first time ever in my life that i had this kinda feeling in me. that one week of depression had me thinking a lot, about injustice in everyone's life.

as i parked my car outside the school, which is the host for this year's netball competition, i was still thinking about it. well, i told myself, i'll just greet my teachers, and maybe one or two good referees left in the whole district of LM&S, and ignore those bias referees multiplying faster than any cancerous cell in the world who had the tournament arranged the way they would like the ending to be. a look at them makes me sick. a second look, i would throw up, blood. yes, that's right. they are incurable cancers, destroying young people's dreams to achieve success. all they care about is achieving their own goals, whether this school with the best 'chat hai chai' ref, or that school, who had the most influential ref in the netball sport. they do not give a damn about quality or the standard of the game. what the hell is this all about?

corruption, i dare say, may be one of the factors here too. well, nobody knows. in a country like ours, its happening all over the place. in my 4 years of involvement, never been once the concept of winning is 'may-the-best-man-win' kinda thing. we had to work super hard in comparison to other team even when my team won in 2005. we knew if we didn't want to be a victim of this filthy group of people, we could lose anytime. for no concrete reason. and no one would give a shit. we were the minorities here. so we had to do something. and the only thing we could do as a school player was to have an enormous amount of patience in us, play the best of our best, and pray hard for a good outcome. as the ref would do everything she could to kick us out of the game, we had to. even if we were misjudged, we shall keep quiet.

anyway i walked into the school compound, asked for direction, and a while later, there i was on the field. breathing the air of netball. only two courts were set up for the competition. i scanned the whole place for my school team, and finally, there they are in blue and red, representing my house and jane's. i walked across the muddy field holding, in my left hand, a paperbag filled with cny cookies and some oranges for my teacher, and my car keys in my right. i could see them jumping and catching the ball and having fun. well, that's a good start. they couldn't see me walking towards them until i was about 20feet apart that they noticed me. they ran to me like i was santa claus or smtg. i could see all their happy faces. and thats when i realised how much i missed these people. how much i missed playing netball and going through tough training sessions with them. they have somehow been a part of my life before.

i gave them a huge hug and well, surprise them with my memory, i am not that old though. they were expecting me to remember all of their names, thank god i did not miss anyone, or so i thought. haha. they gathered around me and asked how i was and stuff like that. it feels good to be around these people again. really.

served them while they're practising in the field. i could not get myself to join them in the warming up session. i wanted very much to do so but there was something missing. and i knew immediately, my netball partner and friend was not here to share this moment of joy and excitement with me, the way we did for 5 years. wished she was here too.

the u-18 have a match at 3.25pm, against a school of average strength, dr. it was their second match of the day, i missed the first one in the morning where they beat tmgs 12-6. i could not be there as i had school. wished i was there though. to defend my school players and not let others destroy their spirit. did not know tmgs players has turned this worse. i thought only db players are like that. the way they speak are of a such high standard. perfect. cursing. cursing. and again, cursing. take my hat off to them man. they are superb.

i was told our u-15 lost their 3rd round to tmgs. and because of these tmgs players' high standard of attitude, the true winner here is our u-15 girls. yes, they are.
as the u-18 prepared for their match, i wished them all the best and told them to have fun. and then i stood by the side of the court, where i used to be, facing my ga and gs, to yell simple-reminders-which-they-tend-to-forget at them. i was actually nervous for them too.

they scored the first goal of the match. and proceeded on to scoring more and more nice shots. all in all, today's match was a fair one. we were the stronger group, and so we won with the score of 21-6. a considerably good achievement, but i'm sure they could do much better than that.

well, all the best to the u-18 playing tomorrow, i may and may not be with you girls but i'll be praying hard for all of you. may you play your best and have the time of your life.

selah moment

.
as i was approaching this lady, i think in her mid 40s or so, the experiences i had in exposure program during convention suddenly flashes across my mind. am i going to break any wall or build any bridge this time?

we were having MUET period when a f5 boy came into my class and asked for a girl prefect. apparently, the headmistress wanted a strong one for help. all of us were wondering like if she wanted a strong one, why not just get a guy prefect? anyway, i went.

the boy was trying to tell me why she needed a girl prefect for, but i could not really understand cause he was speaking partial mandarin and english. it's like a mixture of both but i manage to grasp a few words here and there and figured out that i may have to perform a spotcheck on one of the girls.

on my way to the office, i was told that the lady sitting on the couch in front of the office could not see. i looked up and saw her. she was holding a walking stick on her right hand. and a luggage bag where she puts her stuff in it, placed beside her, on the left.

i went into the office, and the headmistress told me to bring that lady around the school to collect donation. well, alright then. i was actually unsure whether i could do it or not, but i agreed anyway. i've never worked with a blind person before, so i was afraid i may say or do anything that might hurt her feelings whatsoever.

so i went to her. she asked for my name, which school i was originally from, which religion i'm in, and which class i'm from. . . . anyway, i lead her to the form3 classes first, as it was located at the highest floor (did not want her to climb up again later). she held on to my arm the entire time. i was unaware at first, that i have to alert her if there's a small step up or down or if there's a staircase. thankfully her right hand was tapping all the time with her walking stick.

we went into each and every classroom thats inhabited, and through her short intro to every classes she went into, i found out that she had actually came all the way from rumah orang buta, brickfields, kl, selling chocolate bars for rm1 and collecting donations to support the home. how did she manage to come all the way here by herself? i thought.

she asked me to inform her if there's any dollar note other than the rm1s in the plastic bag she used to put the donations. i were to separate them and give it to her. she could recognise them by touching the little symbol on the top left corner of the note, which is specially made for blind people.


throughout the whole experience, i shall say there were a few things that has manage to grab my attention for a moment.
firstly, the attitude of students and even teachers to the underprivileged.
some students were impolite, they were laughing and teasing the lady, while some are very kind to have donated a huge sum of money, even the bad boys of the school, whom i thought do not even care about these underprivileged people as they can not even care for themselves.
there was this boy whom, on giving the donation said in hokkien, "wa lang si phai kia, na em ko wa lang bun si oo sim eh", which means, although we are naughty boys, we do have heart too.

some teachers were not convinced that the lady was blind.
when she called the teachers' name, he held onto his nametag on his tie, look at her suspiciously in a quite surprised face and said, "wow, you could read my name ah." and so i explained to him that i told the lady before she enters the class as she told me to inform her if i know the teachers.
on the other hand, there were also teachers whom are very kind. mostly, female teachers of course. but there's also a male teacher whom has never donated a large sum of money to the lady, ever since she came to the school a few years back until today, when he bought a dozen chocolate bars from the lady.
there's this female teacher who gave rm50 to the lady too. the teacher spoke to her and asked for her name, and that was when i found out her name was rachel. rachel was so happy when i told her it was an rm50 note and thanked the teacher.

on this lady, i shall say that i myself was uncertain as well as to whether she was really a blind person trying to get donation to keep the home running or was she those kinda people where they create all sorts of lies to get money from you. anyway, whether she has the right intention of doing so, i do not know. but it wouldn't hurt if i help a person, would it?

well, actually she's a kind person. but she does not like it if you offer your help to carry her bag or to tolerate her. in anyway. she gets angry if you do that. when she said her hand was aching, it thought i should carry it for her instead. so i bend down to carry the bag, and that's when she reached out for it too, and accidentally pushed my head in the process of doing so. she raised her voice a little saying, "you don't have to carry it for me, i can carry it myself. you all are not used to it so just let me carry it." well, fine then. i thought.

rachel told me to bring her to the canteen for something to eat. i lead her down the flight of stairs and towards the canteen. recess was already over by then, so there was nothing much left. she said she wanted some rice and a drink, so i bought them for her. it's a shame that i did not bring my wallet to school, i had to ask her for money to pay for her food.

after that, she asked me to bring her to the bus stand. i told her i did not know where it is, so she asked me to get a car for her. i thought, what? get a car for her? will there be anyone who is kind enough and be willing to give her a ride in the first place?

so we walked out of the school compund, waited under the hot sun at the back gate of the school, and stood there hoping that that special someone's gonna stop and give her a ride to the bus stand. i've never boarded a stranger's car before. i reached out my hand, as one after another car came and drove past us and it felt like forever! until...

until this lady in a red proton saga aeroback came and stop by. thank god, i thought. so i asked her if she was willing to give rachel a ride and she agreed without thinking twice. i told her that that's very kind of her to help rachel, thanked her and send them off.
.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

.

months have past since i left school for another school. my heart has never left though. there's always this curiosity in me to find out what's happening in school, and to be up-to-date on every event happening in school, from the campaigning season for head girl to netball competitions.

well, things were totally different compared to this school i'm currently studying in. i couldn't not compare as everything in this school has appeared to be such a big shock to me the first time i set my foot onto this place.

i'll touch on a few here :-


firstly, the assembly. students are all over the place. singing negaraku was just a song to them. they disrespect the national song & make fun of it. they do not listen to announcements. they talk and talk and talk even when the headmistress is speaking in front. they've no respect for teachers at all. of course, when i'm saying this, i'm referring to 2/3 of the students here. there's still another 1/3 normal-human-behaving students here, thank god.


secondly, they act like primary school students. they do not listen to u. they would break every school rule they could. they make a fool of themselves. even the form 5 students are like that. why do they act like this? who made them like this? their parents? teachers? peers? friends? or perhaps, they themselves?


thus, this conclusion.

i believe all of them have a choice. a choice of choosing the path they want to lead. the life is theirs. the choice is theirs. it's their right to determine what kind of life they want to have in the future. but the question here is, why did they choose this path? i'm not trying to exaggerate here, but this's the fact. maybe it's immaturity. but still, this doesn't explain everything. how about those form 5's whom are already leaving school after spm? how are they going to survive in the outside world, with the attitude they're carrying? what kind of life will they have then?
i don't and i can't understand why.
everyone wants to have a beautiful life, a life worth living. but without good moral values and attitude, how are they to develop good relationships with other people? before you even want to think about being respected, first, learn how to have respect for others. you must have respect. a strong and powerful 7-letter word that means so much. it is the very basic thing in everyone's life. if you don't have this, then don't even have the slightest hope to have others respecting you in return.


thirdly, respect again, and this time, for women. we are not born to have guys taking advantage on us, whenever they feel like it. there's this case some time ago, when a schoolmate was harassed by two form 3 boys. she was helpless. she did not know what to do. i tried to calm her down and find out what had actually happened to her. she couldn't even speak properly. she could only cry and cry, and finally, told me in between sobs, "he touched me.. he grab me.. then both of them laughed at me when i shouted at them." when asked where did the incident occur, she said, "i was doing my prefect duty at the staircase (which is very visible to other people should the harassment occur)." it was my first encounter of a real life situation with a schoolmate, or rather, a friend. i was very upset and angry, to hear this. i can't believe form 3 boys in my school can actually do this. where are their respect for us, women? it's pretty obvious that they're enjoying the time of their life, being able to laugh at her and all. sadly, there were no witness. i advised her to report the case immediately to the pk hem, or at least a female teacher. i can not have these people wandering around harassing another female student again. but she was frightened, afraid and embarassed. and i have to respect her decision.