jennifer's

Bad day.

2012-02-07T11:17:00.001+08:00

Back to uni. Siennnn. Assignments piling up. 2 of them due this Friday and I haven't even started working on em. Sighhhh. Be kind to me, Time.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Sometimes I wonder.

2012-02-04T01:50:00.003+08:00

To maintain a healthy relationship, we should express our dissatisfaction. But then again right before doing it we ask ourselves again, if it is worth it anyway to risk our relationship with someone by telling that person how we really feel, just any dissatisfaction. Sometimes, its not even a big thing, but because everytime we have decided not to risk the relationship, we just kept things to ourselves. And as things accumulate inside of us, slowly they eat us up and one day, yes, that one day will come when they finally kill you.

Is it courage that we need?

Is it the unknown that we are afraid of?

Is it the pain we afraid we may have cause to either them or ourselves, or both?

It is easy to just express them, things get easy on your side cause finally you've gotten rid off these burdens on your shoulder, prolly things that has been kept to yourselves for years. Finally you just let them out.

What about those people who have to listen to all these? Your complaints, your dissatisfactions. What about the ones who prolly are that someone you are not satisfied about? How would they feel?

They can express themselves. I cannot. They can tell everyone their dissatisfaction, I cannot. They can go on and on and tell you how good they are at this and how good they are at that. But do know that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

I have my own interests, and my own set of things I am good at that you suck badly at. So just accept my weaknesses and SEE what I have to offer.

However it is really sad to say that people, human beings, do tend to look at imperfections, and spend longer time thinking over it than they do at things that are complete/perfect.

So back to my point. I cannot be seen as a weak person, I have to be in control, of myself, physically or emotionally. I have to live up to expectations.

So when some things happen, all I do is I keep quiet. That's what I do best.

But do you know that sometimes it feels very tired to live this way? Where can I go to to voice my dissatisfaction, then? Who can I go to? Who can I ask for advice? Who can I go to whom is comfortable with my weaknesses? Who can I go to who will just listen to me and then let me be me?

Even when things got out of control I had to act as if things are still in control. Why? Cause I've been brought up this way. So if I break down, prolly the ones around me would not know what to do anymore. The world would go crazy. So I cannot give up. Oh.my.god.can.anyone.ever.understand.this.life.I.am.living.its.suffocating.sometimes.

Anyway, my point is,

to tell or not to tell?

to risk or not to risk?

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Stronger.

2012-01-30T21:58:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if you even have feelings. You. Yes, you.

I am F R E E! :))))

2012-01-29T14:31:00.000+08:00

I feel much, much better now. :)

Turn down these voices inside my head.

2012-01-24T00:45:00.001+08:00

This is the day I finally decided to give up on certain things and move on. A new year, a new beginning.

May what my grandma say comes true. :)

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Sometimes we miss out the small things that matter.

2012-01-19T00:16:00.001+08:00

I was rushing to 1 Utama today. Chasing a rapid bus down 200m road is ______ . Fill in the blank.

Jess n I were rushing for the rapid bus that goes to 1U. If we miss one, we'd have to wait for another 20mins minimum for the next one; max 35? How frustrating.

So as we exited a building passageway, there the bus is right in front if our eyes at the opposite road. I asked my sis before making any decision. "Eh, sempat not??"

She gave me the 'look' and said, "You think leh? Sure tak sempat lah the bus going so fast!"

I did a mental calculation in my head, considering there'd be some people going onto the bus, that'd give us some time to run over and at least grab the driver's attention from his rearview mirror. And if we go according to my calculation, we can really make it! Jess definitely can't, little siu ceh, but I can.

So I ran. She had to follow anyway or we'd never make it on the same bus if she doesnt run fast enuf. Haha. I like torturing her like that.

So yes I ran. It doesn't help that that day was a rainy day. Can u see how desperate she is??? Anyway, I ran for what seemed like 200metres along the opposite side of the road. When I think its safe, I crossed over to the side where the bus is and continued chasing. I kinda signalled the bus driver that I wana get ON that bus, but the bus driver was an ass. I'd tell you why later if I still hv the mood to write. The bus did not move so I assumed he saw me. Just when I was about 7/8metres away from the bus, the bus driver freaking moved on with the traffic. I looked over to my sis, thinking this must be a joke, smiled and gave her the well-this-must-be-our-unlucky-day look. Heaving, we went to the bus stop, catching our breaths. Then I noticed that the bus has stopped again. It's red, the traffic light. We ran again for a good 10m, praying in between that we could make it before the bus moves again.

As I ran, I focused on the red traffic light. As if my eyes can control them from turning green. Haha. I ran and I ran and I ran. If this is it, I'd run all I could. You'd understand my desperation if you are a public...transporter? Lol. And I reached the front if the bus, then the front door, knocked on it, the driver turned. And YES! The door opened. We made it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VICTORRYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

Sometimes in our lives, we hesitate, just like how I have hesitated not only once but more than twice just chasing the bus. We doubt ourselves, we doubt our friends, we doubt other people, and we doubt the future. We are afraid of the 'what ifs'. And the what ifs are the ones keeping us away from the possibility of success.

"What if I fail?"

So now. Just for once. Tell yourself to do what you want to do or what you needed to do. Chase your dreams. Be who you want to be. Explore the world. Don't wait cause before you know it, it'll be too late. Every second passed is every second wasted, gone forever.

Embrace life. Be happy.

Live, love, & laugh.

Cheers.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.3

2012-01-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Silence

2012-01-09T01:12:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I like to stuck earphones into my ears without listening to any music cuz I wanna just listen to my thoughts without any interruption. I can hear my thoughts clearer, and I seemed to make the most sense out of things at these moments. And I enjoy it very much.

Try it! :)

2012-01-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

When you have regrets...

2012-01-05T11:45:00.001+08:00

Not everything needs to be fixed.

2012-01-05T02:21:00.002+08:00

Completed "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch! I'd recommend this book to anyone!

A lot of things we've missed in life and I think we should learn to slow down and appreciate the things, the people around us. Appreciate the moment. Time, money can't buy, really. That's true. So spend the time you have wisely. You'll never know how long you have with you. Never ever take time for granted. I think this is something I should really learn and hold on to.

Wonderful, wonderful book.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.2

Justathought.

2011-12-28T03:12:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I look at my friends and I look at myself. How the hell did we all got together? So many unique personalities. Different background different characteristics. Different attitudes. Yet we all share one same thing -----> the 'Friend-Ship'!

I can never think of anyone else in our lives, besides our life partner maybe, that can understand us all the way we understood each other. That can accept ourselves and still be with us despite our weaknesses and sees the best out of it. That can stand by us and let us know that we are all here for one another when we are going through some hard times; let us know that things are gonna be okay when sometimes deep down we know that things really arent? Lol! The point is, we are always there for one another and that's what really matters isn't it? We are just one happy crazy family aren't we. :)

As 2011 is gonna end soon, here is a very small 'ee su ee su' (tribute) to all my friends out there.

As we grow older, may our friendship grow stronger.

Cheers to our many years of friendship, and still counting. :)

Love.

Jenn.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.2

2011-12-28T02:51:00.001+08:00

When life treats you unfair, do you reciprocate?

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.2

The Last Lecture.

2011-12-14T00:34:00.002+08:00

Started reading my first book since Finals ended. Was only into my 3rd paragraph and it made my heart ache already. Why is life so unfair?

A new day.

2011-12-11T03:42:00.000+08:00

Exam's finally over. Not that my Finals this time is a long one. I had 2 papers, both on the same day - today. Heh. So yea. Merdeka! =)

I just wanna be away from my psychology books for awhile, gonna take some time off my textbooks and all. If not I'll really go mad. Time for Mitch Albom, Jodi Picoult and other inspirational novels to lift my always-so-low spirit lately. Dont know what happened to me these days. I just needed someone to lift my mood! ><

I am already feeling bored less than 24 hours from the end of my Finals. How to survive?? I am left with one subject - 2 classes to attend per week. What am I gonna do with the rest of my time? Isyh. Stupid course giving me all these troubles. Am learning, am learning to adapt. But the HELP registry and business department people arent being any HELP-ful at all. They are impolite, self-centred and all they care about is really, money. Stupid people with stupid management. Just die la. I'm kidding, i'm kidding. But really, HELP gota do something with their human resource department or whatever, at least, please improve on your registry staff's people skills. Kanasai. Damn it. Spoil everyone's mood everyday. If you can learn just 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% from HELP Psychology Dept management skills, I'll be more than grateful dy. Yes, that is how bad you are compared to them. YOU SUCK, HELP MANAGEMENT, YOU SUCK.

Enough of rambling. Pek chek nia. Don't feel like sleeping yet. Night's still young. Just wanna hear every second tick. Not ready to face a new day yet. *Sigh*

Room by Emma Donoghue

2011-12-11T02:27:00.004+08:00

I think this book will be a good read too. :)

"To five-year-old Jack, Room is the entire world. It is where he was born and grew up; it's where he lives with his Ma as they learn and read and eat and sleep and play. At night, his Ma shuts him safely in the wardrobe, where he is meant to be asleep when Old Nick visits.

Room is home to Jack, but to Ma, it is the prison where Old Nick has held her captive for seven years. Through determination, ingenuity, and fierce motherly love, Ma has created a life for Jack. But she knows it's not enough...not for her or for him. She devises a bold escape plan, one that relies on her young son's bravery and a lot of luck. What she does not realize is just how unprepared she is for the plan to actually work."

Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult.

2011-12-11T02:18:00.003+08:00

"Sterling is a small, ordinary New Hampshire town where nothing ever happens -- until the day its complacency is shattered by a shocking act of violence. In the aftermath, the town's residents must not only seek justice in order to begin healing but also come to terms with the role they played in the tragedy. For them, the lines between truth and fiction, right and wrong, insider and outsider have been obscured forever. Josie Cormier, the teenage daughter of the judge sitting on the case, could be the state's best witness, but she can't remember what happened in front of her own eyes. And as the trial progresses, fault lines between the high school and the adult community begin to show, destroying the closest of friendships and families."

I hope it's good! :)

2011-12-11T01:26:00.001+08:00

I see loneliness ooze damply from people's bodies, trail after them, trickling, widening, running deep, flowing on and on and forever.

Lessons in life.

2011-12-05T16:54:00.002+08:00

Dr Goh's lectures has always been interesting, unlike Mr. Kenneth's. Dr Goh taught us throughout the first-half of the semester, then Mr Kenneth took over. Somehow, I find it hard to grasp the materials taught in Mr Kenneth's class. Dr Goh's presentation style was simple and easy to understand. He made full use of his time and I've always learned something new in his lectures, every time, be it about life, studies, etc. His lectures are so near to perfect, he cracked up funny intelligent jokes flawlessly every time without fail. He is everyone's favorite lecturer. He is a natural teacher. He understands what we do and don't understand, and I think that is the key to a successful lecturer. I always looked forward to his lectures.

This past few weeks of lectures with Mr Kenneth has been boring. He goes through the slides so fast, there is no time for me to register information into my head. And the moment I understood what he was saying, he is way ahead already, and I would have missed another part of the lecture. Dang. Psychology has never been easy when it comes to understanding this and that, but once you are able to grasp it, suddenly everything becomes so crystal clear. Out of a sudden, you will find yourself so understanding, forgiving and such, because you are then able to see the reason behind every thought and behavior of human being. But also, you see some ugly truths that you do not want to accept, but those are facts of life. As hard as it is, you still have to find a way to accept them, no matter what.

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

2011-12-05T16:36:00.004+08:00

Got myself a copy of The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch some time ago. Haven't got the chance to read it yet. Another book about life! Here I am staring at it on the shelf, untouched, so lonely. Still waiting for the right time to read it, as for now I'll have to buck up on my Social Psych paper, Finals this Saturday!

2011-12-05T00:43:00.000+08:00

Someone like you.

It is what it is.

2011-11-20T21:49:00.001+08:00

Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me.

That's why I find so much comfort in my friends.

2011-11-19T23:51:00.004+08:00

I may appear like I like to show off, to some people, but I really don't. I don't when it comes to those serious stuff that I do sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. I don't like to be seen, I don't like people to know when I do something kind or good or whatsoever. Things that are close to my heart especially, I don't do it because I want to show people how nice or how kind or how wonderful I am. I call some people like this hypocrites and thus, I don't act like one. As long as I know I am true. That's enough.

You can only know me this long to call me a useless, show-off, good-for-nothing person. I am difficult to understand. So don't come near me if you find me so complicated.

I don't like to show off. And because I don't like to show off, people misjudge me. So be it.

Making & keeping friends.

2011-11-19T01:02:00.005+08:00

By George W. Burns.

Sometimes it can be lonely, if you are a mouse who lives in a hole in a wall in the corner of a house all by yourself. Maybe it can be lonely even if others live in the house with you.

There were times Fred Mouse enjoyed being alone, especially when he had a plateful of toasted cheese sandwiches all by himself. But sometimes, Fred Mouse thought he might like to have a friend whom he could play. Deep in these thoughts one day, he wandered out of his house and down the road to the bay, where he sat alone at the end of the jetty looking at the rippling water. He hadn't been there long before Sleek-Fin popped his dolphin head out of the water, rolled on his side, and looked at Fred with one big, glassy eye. "Hi, Fred," he said with a smile on his face. "What are you doing sitting on the jetty?"

I was just wondering how to find some friends to play with," replied Fred.

"You can always play with me," said Sleek-Fin.

"How?" asked Fred. "We are so different. You are a dolphin and I am a mouse. You live in the water and I live on the land.

"Oh," said Sleek-Fin, seeming a little sad at first. Then, brightening up, he added, "Maybe there is a way we could make it work. If you sat on my back near my fin I could take you for a ride without ducking under water and getting you wet...well, without getting you too wet...maybe." As Fred laughed and enjoyed his ride on Sleek-Fin's back, he thought this was one fun way to
make friends-doing something that both of you can enjoy together.

Almost as if reading his mind, Sleek-Fin said, "I've been thinking about it, too. You know there are a couple of things that you need to avoid if you want to make friends." You see Leaper out there?" he asked, pointing with his nose out toward the sea. Fred had already seen Leaper riding the waves, standing up almost vertically on his tail as he finned his way down. He watched as Leaper caught the next wave and did a backward somersault over the top of it. Sleek-Fin said, "It doesn't help to show off. Leaper doesn't have many friends because he thinks he is so much better than everyone else. But then, it doesn't help to be too shy either. There's another dolphin in our pod, Shy-Swimmer, who you won't see out there showing off like Leaper. He always swims back and waits for others to approach him, and he doesn't have many friends, either."

Fred begin to wonder: If there were things you needed to avoid, what could you do to build more friendships? He remembered that when Sleek-Fin had come up to him earlier at the jetty, smiled, looked him in the eye, and asked about how he was feeling, it had felt good. Maybe it helps to be interested in the other person, thought Fred, to ask how they are feeling and thinking. When Sleek-Fin did, Fred had felt special. So what could Fred do to help Sleek-Fin feel special, too?

He couldn't invite him to visit. There was no way a dolphin could make it across land to Fred's home, let alone squeeze through the tiny little hole in the wall in the corner of the house, was there? If Sleek-fin could have done that, Fred thought that might have shown Sleek-Fin he really liked him. Maybe Fred could help Sleek-Fin feel special by telling him things that Fred liked about him.

"It was nice that you took an interest in me when I was sitting by myself on that jetty," said Fred.

"That's fine," said Sleek-Fin."What are friends for? Friends are the people who are willing to stand by you at times when you are happy and joyful as well as the times when you feel sad or lonely."

"Not only that," said Fred, "you are very thoughtful and considerate. When we were out swimming you took so much care not to get me wet. You never forgot I was on your back and never dived under the water."

"Thanks," said Sleek-Fin, accepting Fred's compliment.

Fred was taken by surprise. He had been taught to be modest,and he might have denied it if someone had given him a compliment, saying something like, "I'm not really," or "Obviously, you don't know me well." Yet he felt good when Sleek-Fin accepted his compliment and it appeared that Sleek-Fin felt good, too.

Just then, Fred noticed something. "Did you know you have a bit of seaweed stuck in your blowhole?" asked Fred. he wondered why he hadn't seen it while they had been out swimming.

"Yes," replied Sleek-Fin, "I have been trying to get rid of it got days. i have blown and I have coughed but that didn't shift it, and without my arms I haven't been able to reach up and pick it out."

"Let me help," said Fred. So, as Sleek-Fin blew, Fred used his tiny little paws to pull the seaweed out of Sleek-Fin's blowhole.

"You were right earlier when you said we were different," commented Sleek-Fin. "I can swim and you can't, but I can take you for a ride if we are friends."

"And I can use my paws to clear seaweed from your blowhole if we are friends," added Fred.

After that, Fred always knew that when he was sitting alone in his house and wanted company all he had to do was to take a walk down to the jetty on the bay. It wouldn't take long before his friend would turn up, looking at him caringly, smiling gently, and talking about the things they cared about in each other. They were very different, but it didn't matter so much what the differences were so long as they could share the things they had in common. A dolphin and a mouse!

"A strange relationship," said Sleek-Fin.

"And a great friendship," added Fred.

Hidden intentions.

2011-11-06T21:07:00.001+08:00

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.1

S H I T H A P P E N S .

2011-10-18T13:46:00.012+08:00

My definition of itch has changed tremendously over a very short time period.

Just 3 weeks back, a normal mosquito bite, would make me scratch already.
3 weeks later, give me a hundred mosquito bites, I can tell you I dont feel anything.

Cuz what I am experiencing now is far worst than that. I'd prolly develop some sort of immunity against normal itch already. The type of itch I am having right now is beyond explicable.

I am getting them 24/7, over the past 3 weeks. I can't sleep well. I often wake up to find myself struggling to prevent myself from scratching. But sometimes. I.CANT.STOP.MYSELF.

***

What i say may, or may not reflect what i feel.

You know the feeling when you wake up, feeling all drowsy for that good initial 3mins? That's the best time to quickly get yourself back to sleep. You miss that first 3mins, then you become like the night owl. Your eyes dont seem to want to close anymore.

Then you spend another few minutes to an hour or so, thinking... about a lot of things. Wondering... why shit happens? for no reason? or just observing your surrounding, and then you get so frustrated about yourself when you see your sister sleeping so well beside you. And there you are struggling to go back to sleep again, with your itch, at 4am in the morning. Repeating the whole process all over again.

Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.

How frustrating is that??

And it is even more frustrating when you finally reach the last stage, when it feels like winning a million dollar lottery, to find yourself waking up in the middle of the night, having to repeat the whole freaking process all over again!

Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.
Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.
Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.
Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.

.
.
.
.
.

Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle-Scratch-Struggle(x 100?)-Sleep.

I need sleeping pills.

Ok, now that being said. Sometimes, I find myself wondering(prolly during one of those banguntengahmalam 4am period) about people who think they know everything.

For example, when I say, "I am O.K."

Does that really tell you that I am ok? Have you ever wondered otherwise?

You think you understood everything about me.

Really?

"A little bit la.." "No, not pain anymore."

And people tend to generalize these and make general mental conclusions that will stick there in their heads.

How do you know that I am telling the truth?

Some times, things are better left unsaid than said. Cuz when you say them out there, it become exposed to vulnerability.

And some times, it is tough to act strong. But what options do you have? When you have been this way for your life?

A lot of people judge things based on what they know, what is being told to them. And they jump into conclusion without making any further analysis or evaluation of a situation. People take short cuts. Who dont like short cuts anyway? So I'm not saying that this is something wrong, o bad. We are all humans. And it is only normal that we are doing all these things. But sometimes people can be so carried away in their own world, they tend to miss out on important clues, other vitals pieces of puzzles that will certainly assist them in coming out with a conclusion that makes more sense in real, real life situations.

***

For those of you who are still wondering out there, I have seen 2 doctors, a GP and a skin specialist, twice respectively, but both cant tell what's wrong with me. I have just seen another doctor in Ipoh yesterday; a skin specialist as well. Um, he seemed to know what he is doing. So, keep my fingers crossed. I'm currently on medication. I'm on sick leave till the 31st. Been missing my Finals, maybe Mid-terms as well as my classes. Well, I just want to get better. Leave the rest to be worried about when I recover. If I recover.

And thank you all for your encouraging messages on Facebook. I got all of them. And am happy that I have so many people who cared about me. :)

I do the only thing I know how.

2011-10-03T18:07:00.003+08:00

The hotline was right in front of my eyes. I actually dont have to take up such a long time thinking. But it's Jennifer you're talking bout, nothing i will do without giving at least a few years of thought into it. Haha. Just kidding. But yea, that's me.

You cant ignore all the danger signals being sent out from your brain. They're natural reflexes. All the "what ifs" start coming into your head. What if I'm asked to go all the way to the office to make a report personally? What if they want all my details? What if the driver found out it was I who made the report? What if I have to go through all the trouble just to voice my dissatisfaction? I only want to voice my discomfort, and action to be taken against the driver. That's all. Nothing else. I dont want to deal with anymore trouble. What if... and the thinking goes on and on and on.

I have encountered a few times where people just dont seem to be bothered about my opinion. I think i was denied too many times, that i am conditioned to just accept it. I gave up trying to stand up for myself... Nothing I say matter anyway.. Alamak, terpesong. Ok, back to my point.

And then I decided. The hotline is there for a reason.
So I made the decision to try. I sent a text message which read like this (having the least hope for any action to be taken):

"Saya penumpang bas K********* dari Simpang-Kuala Lumpur, pukul 3.10pm, tarikh 2 Oktober 2011. Sy ingin buat aduan tentang pemandu bas India yang merokok semasa pandu bas (sehingga mesej ini dihantar, driver telah merokok sebanyak 3 kali). Papan tanda "Dilarang Merokok" jelas tertera di hadapan bas, tetapi pemandu bas masih berkelakuan demikian. Pemandu juga memotong kenderaan lain dengan merbahaya dari bahagian kiri bahu jalan. Diharap pihak berkuasa mengambil tindakan tegas supaya keadaan ini tidak berterusan."
*Sent*

Just a few minutes after that, there's a message coming in. Thought it would be one of my friends, tengok tengok, I got a reply from the hotline:

"Aduan diterima..driver tersebut akan dikenakan tindakan..tq."

And right after that, the driver (who've just ended a very long call with someone) received another call. From the tone of his voice, I can be 120% sure that it was from the person whom I complained to.

Sure enough, he stopped smoking in the bus after that. As we are approaching the Duta toll, one aunty came and asked the driver to stop right after the toll as her son is waiting. The driver said no but the aunty didnt give up. She kept asking and the driver very rudely responded, "TAKDA. TAK BOLEH TURUN SINI. NANTI ADA ORANG HANTAR SMS COMPLAIN. TADI SUDAH ADA ORANG COMPLAIN. U TAK PUAS HATI MAU COMPLAIN U PERGI COMPLAIN LA. NANTI KALAU KENA SAMAN 600RINGGIT TAU."

Now I feel bad for that lady. @.@ But I dont regret my decision.

Come on man. How stupid can a person be to smoke in an air-conditioned vehicle?? Such an idiot. Just imagine the suffocation my sister and I and the rest of the passengers had to go through that day.

The driver continued talking on the phone after that. His mood was affected so much that he lost his patience and honked at the bus in front as we were entering the Pudu bus terminal.

I hope he gets fired and never get a job for the rest of his life and the life after.

Just kidding! xP

Forgiveness

2011-08-18T02:01:00.001+08:00

There are people in your life who've come and gone,
They let you down and hurt your pride,
Put it all behind you, as life goes on,
If you keep carrying that anger, it'll eat you inside.

2011-08-07T02:37:00.001+08:00

Trust is earned.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

2011-07-22T11:55:00.011+08:00

I am tired of running not knowing where I'm going.

Maybe I should have just walked?

2011-07-21T01:21:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, we get tired of trying.

Daily Questions You Need To Ask Yourself. =)

2011-07-06T23:40:00.003+08:00

Questions:

What do I want to accomplish today?
What is the most important thing I need to do today? (Do it first!)
Is this the best use of my time right now?
What am I trying to accomplish right now?
What can I cross off my list by deleting or delegating? What is not important?
What can I do right now to take the next leap instead of the next step?
Who can I learn from today?
Who can I thank today?
What am I grateful for?
How can I eliminate distractions right now?
What are my top 3 current goals?
What is most important to me in life?
If the my world was going to end within one year, what would I be doing right now?
What will I do today towards my major goals?
What action can I take instead of worry right now?
Who should I thank today?
Who needs some love today?
How can I be a kinder person today?
How can I have more compassion today?
What can I do right now to release negative energy in a positive way?
What can I do to let go of my anger?
How can I put worry on hold right now?
How can I choose happiness right now?
What can I do to slow down today?
What am I learning right now?
What beneficial routines can I start today?
What will I do, see, explore, or experience today that is new?
How and with whom can I partner today to make 1+1=3?
How can I be more compassionate today?
What will I celebrate today?
Where did I find Joy today?
What did I learn today?
How will I “pay it forward” today?
How will I make today great? How do I define great?
What can I stop holding/clinging to help me break free?
How can I let go with peace?
Who can I help today?
How can I add Peace to the world today?
What’s the most powerful thing I can do right now, today to increase my business?
What have I been avoiding that I can do today?

That's quite a number of questions but it helps you to just pause, and ponder upon some things and reflect on your life. :)

Good exercise? I hope so.

Life, as we know it?

2011-05-17T02:53:00.000+08:00

1. You aren't nearly as special as you think.
You may walk around like the heroine of your very own book, but you're no better than any of the minor characters. You know - those dull, ordinary, people you're forced to be surrounded by. Take a good look at them: that's you.
2. Humiliation is the fastest way of growing up.
You're not as wonderful as your mama told you, and the way to grow up is to realize that. Growing up, in other words, means making mistakes. Only it's not enough to make mistakes; you have to feel them. Those moments of excruciating shame when you really screw up - cherish them.
3. Your feelings are not necessarily right.
Feelings are always about something, and that 'something' is not itself a feeling. It's an idea, a perception of a situation. And because ideas can be wrong, the feelings that are based on them can also be wrong. SO, just relax a little bit.
4. Don't believe everything you think.
We do not come to things with open minds, we come with all the ideas or schemes we've already acquired, and we can't wait to project them onto everything we encounter. Instead of discovering the truth, we end up with a very elaborate theory that bears no relationship to what's actually going on in front of us.
5. Too much money makes you miserable.
Being able to get whatever you want makes you awfully unhappy when you can't get what you want. And if everything is easy, then nothing really matters. The only people who can feel are those who have a sense of what it means to do without.
6. Listening to people's stories is the nicest thing you can do for them.
A person's story is the most personal thing about them, and paying attention to it is just the most important thing you can do. Our stories are what make us human, and listening to someone else's stories - entering into their feelings validating their experiences - is the highest way of acknowledging their humanity.
7. Friends tell friends when they're screwing up.
The true friend wants you to be happy, but being happy and feeling good about yourself are not the same thing. Being happy means becoming a better person, and becoming a better person means having your mistakes pointed out to you in a way you can't ignore.
8. Love is never at first sight.
Lust at first sight, a whole train of fantasies and projections at first sight - sure.
But to love someone, you have to get to know their character, not just their body, and that takes time. True love sneaks up on you. You never see it coming until it's already there.
9. Arguing is the best thing about being married.
If your partner is already just like you, then neither one of you has anywhere to go. A friction-free relationship would be a desert. Conflict is good; disagreements are good, even fights are good. Committing yourself to someone doesn't have to limit your growth - it can be the door to perpetual or continuous growth.

Neverisms: 12 Things You Should Never Do, Never Say, and Never Forget.

2011-05-13T02:27:00.000+08:00

Never dare to judge till you have heard of the other side.
Never dull your shine for somebody else.
Never ascribe to an opponent motives meaner than your own.
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy.
Never feel self-pity, the greatest emotion there is.
Never go on trips with anyone you do not love.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.
Never let the odds keep you from pursuing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.
Never lose a chance of saying a kind word.
Never depend on immersion in another person for your personal growth.
Never lose sight of the fact that old age needs so little but needs that little so much.
Never rise to speak till you have something to say; and when you have said it, cease.

You Haven't Seen The Last of Me

2011-02-20T19:53:00.001+08:00

Feeling broken
Barely holding on
But there's just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I'll get up again
Don't count me out just yet

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me

They can say that
I won't stay around
But I'm gonna stand my ground
You're not gonna stop me
You don't know me
You don't know who I am
Don't count me out so fast

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me

There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I'm down now
But i'll be standing tall again
Times are hard but
I was built tough
I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
I am far from over
You haven't seen the last of me

No no
I'm not going nowhere
I'm staying right here
Oh no
You won't see me begging
I'm not taking my bow
Can't stop me
It's not the end
You haven't seen the last of me
Oh no
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me

2011-01-12T11:40:00.003+08:00

Doubt - A status between belief and disbelief, involves uncertainty or distrust or lack of sureness of an alleged fact, an action, a motive, or a decision.

Whispers in the morning...

2011-01-04T01:24:00.002+08:00

It's funny how you have so much to say, yet...

Lee Yan Ming, "Aileen".

2010-11-24T00:35:00.001+08:00

Still remember how you used to be when you were younger?

Remember how all of us used to be?

Just in case you forgot, here are some reminders.

One for everyone. ;)

Lee Yan Ming, "Aileen" (You know who calls her by this name? She, herself. XP)

You don’t bite bread, you pinch them off into smaller pieces before putting them into your mouth. You have size 4 feet. You go to the kids section to buy shoes. You look like a rabbit (^^v). With the pair of eyes you’ve got, you attracted Mr. Tang Seng Hoe.

I'm just so happy for you that you've found your other half. =)

You gave me your full support. You agreed to be my Campaign Manager when I approached you. I can never find anyone better to do the job than you. When I doubted myself, you cleared my hesitations. You were there for me when I needed someone to talk to. I miss those times when I used to appear outside your house, without warning, sometimes. Sorry. Heh.

I know there was one period when I always said you are very 'fahn'. I was 'fahn' myself, so I directed it to you too. I know you got very pik chek with me, but that time, I wasn’t thinking right. I was too busy thinking about myself that I don’t even have time to think for others. Sorry.

I found this somewhere which has thought me something:

“Part of the problem is that everyone is in such a hurry. People haven’t found meaning in their lives, so they’re running all the time looking for it. Once you start running, it’s hard to slow yourself down." And ...

... "...You overlook the one who is right there in front of you."

xxx

I appreciate all that you've done for me, how you went through everything thoroughly making sure it’d be so close to perfect, that on that day when you gave your speech, I can see you’re shaking all over. No worries, it is not that obvious that everyone could notice, only obvious because I was just standing right beside you.

But you stood strong alright, and your speech was perfect. You nailed it like no one else could. It was then that I understand all that you need to go through, to come up with such a good performance. It was not an easy job, campaign manager. I am just so glad I had you as mine. =)

...and I am more than grateful to have you as my friend.

Cheers to 7 years of friendship, and still counting! =)

Lotsa love, Jennifer.

Question.

2010-11-23T00:07:00.005+08:00

i) You are crazy.
ii) I think you are crazy.

What is/are the difference/s between these two sentences?
.

Khor Jen Yong.

2010-11-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

Still remember how you used to be when you were younger?

Remember how all of us used to be?

Just in case you forgot, here are some reminders.

One for everyone. ;)

Khor Jen Yong.

You are such a fun-loving person. You enjoyed hanging out with us, I didn't know you were a party animal~! Just kidd. And you became one of my frequent late night out girlfriends.. Woot! XD

Like me I think you like to listen more than talk too. You have your own way of thinking, you don’t care what others would say or do. You won’t get influenced by anyone. You'd just listen
and keep your thoughts to yourself. You will only comment if you were asked. And that's what I like about you.

I seriously didn’t know you laugh, a lot. Not until we became closer and started hanging out together for these past two years. You are always our monitor, you still give me the monitor feel now, really.

You have your own personal charm, given all the admirers you had. Whoooosh! Haha. I can’t believe my ears Jen Yong. But you have changed, alot since I know you in primary. L
ook! Here’s a picture with me & you, in Standard 1! ;)

Erm.. I'm just somewhere there and you were there, there! See?? Heh.

Just wanna point out how cute we were. We still are! Look! Heh.

I don’t know how I became your birthday present. I think I was drunk. Tee Xin’s sister’s wedding and all. Fuhh, too many things for a night, don’t you think? XP

I want that hug again! =(

Jen Yong's Birthday, 2009.

And here you are, on your way to UK alone.

You know, Jen Yong, you are always so supportive of us, whatever plans we make, we can always count you in. I am very grateful for that. All the support you give whenever you’re asked, you are always so sincere and truthful.

CNY 2010

Jane's farewell, 2010

My Birthday 2009 ;)

Jing Rui's Birthday, 2009.

Taiping Museum, 2010.

Haha. I thought you'd like this one. ;)

Mrs. Ng's Retirement, 2010.

Matang mangrove forest, 2009.

At Yan's place, June 2010.

CNY at Mrs. Ng's, 2010.

Now that u’re in UK, I hope you’ll live a happy student life there, enjoy it, and please tell me

how much they sell the McD ice-cream cone there, will you? Haha.

Jen Yong's Birthday and farewell 2010.

You will always be a friend I'd love to keep! XOXO!

Lotsa love, Jennifer.

There is no past or future. Yet without them there can be no present.

2010-11-17T15:34:00.014+08:00

The thing about internet. It gives you all the excuses.

Nothing compares to being together physically.

You may say the internet keeps people close. But in another perspective, I think it actually keep us further apart. We took each other for granted. We don't hang out as frequent anymore. We don't even find the need to ask anyone about anything anymore -how are they doing, how are they coping with this and that and etc. Everything can be found on Facebook, if not, MSN, and if not, blog. These are all virtual.

What happen to telephone calls? Face-to-face assurances when you need one? A shoulder to cry on?

It's all in words now. You see them words. Words and your own imagination. After a long long chat, yeah, you feel good, elated. You get all the updates you want. You got everyone updated. And then what? Back to reality. You were laughing alone, the other side can't hear you. You smiled, can the other side see? You tell them that things are all right, you boast about how good a life you're having now. But you're grieving alone.

Who will know? No one's with you by your side.You are where you are. And you feel all alone again.

You can't hear each others' voices, you can't see each others' faces. All you see are words. Everything is imaginative. Do you know that you can actually give each other a high 5 now? You do it together on the computer screen. The disadvantage is that, the effect is slower. You had to place your hand on the screen long enough to give each other time to place a hand on the screen, so that they "meet" at the same time. That's why you gota hold them, long enough, to make sure it's a high 5. It not, it ain't work.

"XOXO". You know what this meant? Hugs and kisses. What happen to the real one? Oh we have one in Mizen's 20th birthday party. Those blue icing. I love it! Now that's real. ;)

xxx

Now you go ask someone about something -a definition of a word, a website, an article..etc- in an online conversation. And see what reply you'll get.

"Go google la."

How would you feel?

I don't care so much for the meaning as much as a reply from you. Sometimes, you just want to hear from that person. How is she doing, etc.

Just because Google can provide me with everything I need, it is incomparable to getting a response from you.

-I realised I did that a few times, when I think of it now, I feel awful.

And then when you actually do meet up, there is less to talk about. She may already have known something I want to update her with, and I may have already known something she wants to update me with. It's not as fun anymore. When we were together, internet was just something extra. It doesn't matter if we have it or not.
Now? It's a necessity.

I am not against the internet or whatsoever. I just had some thoughts I'd want to express. The internet is like a drug to me now. I'll die without it.

At least with it, we can still maintain our closeness. Without? We drift apart faster.

We all still care for each other, don't we?

XOXO

Ironic, isn't it?

Ooi Ee Jane, iJane.

2010-11-17T01:29:00.000+08:00

Still remember how you used to be when you were younger?

Remember how all of us used to be?

Just in case you forgot, here are some reminders.

One for everyone. ;)

Ooi Ee Jane, iJane.

The Gate, your fav hangout place, 2009.

You showed and you proved to me again and again, and again. Nothing is impossible. You are the most determined human being I’ve ever met.

Most, if not all your ideas I initially thought was crazy (EVERYONE, would think it’s crazy), was made possible. Why? You believed. You gave me trust. That was all I need to believe in you to carry out all the mission impossibles.

Where this? I only remember the 'skirt', 2010.

“With determination comes all possibilities once was impossible.” Remember that ‘donation from ex-students’ ideas you had? How is that even possible? I never thought, dreamt we could ever come up such a successful plan for Teacher’s Day. But again, you help make it possible. That was the best YET.

Teacher's Day 09.

You also taught me how to show appreciation for others. You are the one always so enthusiastic, encouraging us, motivating us to do it along with you. =) This is something I would never learn if I never had met you.

May 2010.

xxx

Netball 07.

NETBALL. One very important thing for both of us. We started playing in Standard 4. We represented 4 Melur yo! With BEH SHUH PYNG as GS somemore. Jangan main-main! You are always the centre or the wing, myself, shooter. As young as we were, we perceived that diving for the ball was cool and every netball player should be able to do it. Only when we go to Form 1 that we discovered it was against the rules. What a disappointment we were. Haha. Netball fans konon.

Then we phok sang phok meng learned how to do the flying act Stephy, Kak Mira, Kak Eni, Kak Syida all did. No, we didn’t really learn actually, we see a new stunt and Poof..! We are doing it the next second. We just have natural talent lah. Hahaha. Biarlah perasan abit, nevermind. It’s MY blog. I think me, you and Reena has sam lei khau thung wan lo. Our team formation is the best that time. Almost everything is done our way. We just know when to pass the ball, and when we shouldn’t. When is danger, and when is safe. I miss those times, badly. =’( Not to forget our plan to be the first team in LM&S to wear skirts to play netball. Siap dengan proposal for pengetua, mm hai gao siu gah! Hai yeng zhan gah! And we did it! =)

I am just glad to have you as a friend, to have known you, and see how special a friend you are. I know you are lonely there, but I also know that you are strong enough to go through this period slowly by yourself. Not to forget, you have your family too. Although you are always in our heart, and vice versa, nothing compares to being physically together, right? I know. I know. But Ooi Ee Jane wor. You’ll be the last one standing on earth if anything were to happen to this world. ;)

KL, outside Pavilion, 2010.

And one more thing. The embarassing stuff either you made me do, or those you never feel bored or tired doing it to me. I'll never forget! Bleh.

As always, as always...

The same old words, what to do, guai giu lei hai ngo hou pang yau meh, 2010.

3in1 birthday party 07. Who's the organiser yo??? 3in1! =0 Tak susah, tak susah!

School 07.

Birthday 2010. *wink wink*

Yan's place, June 2010.

Mrs. Ng's, 2010.

Mizen's Birthday, 2010.

Lots and lots and lots of love from Malaysia,

Jennifer.

Tan Mi Xuan, Mizen.

2010-11-13T16:54:00.000+08:00

Still remember how you used to be when you were younger?

Remember how all of us used to be?

Just in case you forgot, here are some reminders.

One for everyone. ;)

Tan Mi Xuan, Mizen.

Up next, miss Mizen!

Oh dear Mizen. I don’t know why, but once I started typing about you, the first thing that came to my mind was when we all came up with the idea to get Yeo’s Cincau drink from the vending machine and yum seng in front of ahem, “2K3”??? What was our intention that time??? Still remember bo??? Hahahahaha. Why you so evil geh. Everytime come up with this ‘ku ling ching guai’ ideas to hoi people. We yum seng-ed like crazy, as if it was your wedding day. We wanted to get her attention but tak jadi nampaknya. You went and borrowed a prefect’s tie somemore. Although it was the last day of school, shouldn’t we behave ourselves? 4 out of 5 were prefects leh! Anyway, all of us were once young and innocent. Right, right, right???

Something else also happen on the same day. We gathered at the assembly hall, all of us were sitting in a circle. Kononnya, we wanna have a talk or something. Girl talk, was it? I don’t know. But I can remember one thing clearly. You and Jane came up with a very awful idea to ‘jing ku’ someone. The rest of us, including myself, so evil-ly supported your plans. I feel like I am such a bad person now. Hahaha. The plan failed in the end. You can’t imagine how relieved I was.

Also remember when we “phok lei phok hui” searching for apples and flowers for Teacher’s Day 09? That was soooooo fun! I miss the time whe

n we were tying up ribbons for the apples too. And without you, I don’t think we can get the flowers for that price. =)

Other than that, how can I ever forget this 2 songs you are famously known for?

One about ahem, BEH SHUH PYNG! Singing to Wong Fei Hung's song :

♪♫ Shuh Pyng sudah ________ ~~~ dengan ahem punya AHEM!!! ♪♫

Another one about L _ _ Y _ _ _ T _ _ _!!! This’s the best I can come up with. I dare not take such a big risk!

Look at us! All dark & Ah Long-looking people! XP

So yes, it was all these that makes me smile like crazy when I thought of you and all your silly acts. I’m glad that I get to know you. Can’t believe we’ve known each other since kindergarten. Well we got separated for 6 years, but nevermind lah! Now bertembung balik already! ;)

In Mid V, 2010.

At Mrs. Ng's, 2010. Remember how happy she was that day? We showed her Jane's Facebook profile thim!

Sui cha bo! xD

20th birthday, 2010.

Lotsa love, Jennifer.

When all is said and done.

2010-11-12T01:20:00.006+08:00

Sometimes, people just wants your time. That's all they need. Give them your time, and you gain a whole lot more than what you thought you'd get. Listen to them when they needed you to. Just listen. Don't shut them off by changing topics, then it spoils everything. Geez. That's all I need.

And the next time when they want to be listened to, trust me, you wont be on their list anymore.

Oh, but there's a few I do lend my time to, and often, taken advantage of because of that. I don't like that. I dont like these kinda people. These people, the farther you stay away from them the better. Keep your distance. Some other people of their kind will take care of them. Certainly not me. Sorry.

But of course, I said a few. Most of the times, I am glad I listened. I am glad I put them as my priorities. Cause they are all worth every single second of my time.

Sides, I learned more about myself than them sometimes. =)

Teoh Sui Ying.

2010-11-10T15:44:00.022+08:00

Still remember how you used to be when you were younger?

Remember how all of us used to be?

Just in case you forgot, here are some reminders.

One for everyone. ;)

Teoh Sui Ying.

Hey you lil ducky! I never knew you have a soft spot for ducks. So sorry I had to write about it for Scribbles Srikandi. I can’t resist the temptation and it’s so funny I can die! HAHHAHHAH. Ok ok, I overdid it. Sorry. Hehe.

Look at us! XD

I only got to know you better during Form 5. Can you imagine that? Form 5 that we officially got close and had one-to-one talk. Ahem, not that kua cheong la, but it’s something~ like that. Haha.

I thought you are a very serious person, and gets everything done the right way. Tim chi, you so selamba geh?!?! I feel so much more relaxed, and then we lepak in Makmal Bestari for hours, skipping classes like there’s no tomorrow. HAHAHA. Eh, but we do our stuff alright, not that we waste our time doing nothing. We worked and worked and worked like pigs, doing research on, of all things, DRUGS. And instead of drugs, we spend so much time searching for cute baby photos. We ended up bringing photographs of ourselves when we were young, showing off who is cuter. Aren’t we a lil bit terpesong?

Then on the day before the competition (We were going to Dato’ Kamaruddin yo! Thats far. Haha.), you and I both ‘phok sang phok meng’ working from home to get things done in time. Files should be arranged in certain folders, pictures of drugs, videos, last minute touch up on our slide, everything must be in order. We checked on each other every hour or two, making sure we were both awake. Haha. That was fun! That 36 hours didn’t feel long.

Come the real day of presentation, we were so messed up. I brought my huge headphones, Siti laughed at it. Time was not enough. And I thought we were all so well prepared no other team can be better than us already. Apparently, I thought wrong. We did not save the presentation in the right format! But both you and Siti handled it so well, we manage to come up 2^nd after all! =)

And then, here comes the boating outing experience with Jane and Khaili. I never knew you were so brave! How could you turn your back on me n Khaili to join Jane on her mission to sink all of us in Lake Gardens! Of all places! We were screaming at the top of our voices, you you you...you evil young lady. Wait till I get your duck! You know what I can do. Go ahead and read Srikandi again if you forgot. =PPP

Suiying the warrior!!!

Yes! That's me trying to balas dendam, but I don't know why I was aiming at Khaili. Heh.

Hello there Miss Suiying, what you doing on Tee Xin? Cari nahas??? D=
Don't you know of her reputation as a potential ... Ham Sap-er?

Also, remember how we squeezed into your dad's Avanza? How many of us there? 10? 11? Up until now, I had no idea how so many of us could squeeze into your car. That was crazy! Well, all impossibilities are possible with DESPERATION. Hahaha. That 10 minutes or so drive to Mrs. Ng's house was the greatest CNY trip I ever had. Thanks to you!!! =)

Yep, so this is just some experiences I had with you that I’ll never ever forget. A simple reminder. ;)

Our outing together with your friend, Amy! =)

!!! You are the one who influence me to ponteng!!! That explains everything! XP

Lotsa love,

Jennifer.

Yeap Mei Chen, Lois

2010-11-09T14:24:00.000+08:00

Still remember how you used to be when you were younger?

Remember how all of us used to be?

Just in case you forgot, here are some reminders.

One for everyone. ;)

Yeap Mei Chen, Lois.

YOU GAVE ME A RING! In Standard 4! D= A silver metal ring with an angel on it. Haha. Sorry I lost it some time ago.

Kuala Kangsar, 2006.

Senior year, 2007

That aside, you took care of me well. Sayembara was the best, watching you compose those songs for Sayembara, how we cracked our heads trying to get the right note for the song. How we practised over and over again in 4vt2 and sometimes the PA room. You put your mum first and foremost in your life, above everything else. You chose to follow your own path, and you sure did make the right choice. Look at you now, look at me. =)

Sayembara Puisi & Lagu 07

I enjoyed a lot when I was helping you with your JMC class in Yamaha. I get the privilege to observe people, which is something really fun to do. In this case, observing parent-child relationship. You don’t know how much I actually learned from there. Also, without you, I wouldn’t have come to know Jefferson. He is so smart and cute I can die! Hehe.

lil Jeff! April 2010

xxx

Remember how you will always assure me that things will be ok? Especially during performances, the most recent one being Tee Xin's sister's wedding. I was glad to be able to perform with you once again, I only focused on practising. It was not until the very last minute that I became so nervous my hands start to shake. Heh.

You were always sure of all that you do. Very firm. Everything is so well-planned, that whatever you do, you want it to be more than perfect. The barbeque party we had back in 09 was a great one. Sorry we broke your flower pot. Heh. But I enjoyed the one in 08 more. ;)

2008 Barbeque, Mei Chen's place.

2009 Barbeque at Mei Chen's place.

xxx

I didn’t know you liked watching award shows and tv series and artists and celebrities and movies so much. Until this year. What a friend. =(

I liked the way we celebrated your birthday back in 09. Oh, not to forget, your Sweet 16th was the best! =) I am truly sorry about the one we had this year, but we were just all too excited. We don’t mean it. We tried our best to make it up to you, but it turn out to be worse. What a failure. Forgive us aite. Sorry that I didn’t understand you well enough.

Sweet 16th Barbeque Party

Mei Chen, Jane & Sze Wei.

Mei Chen's 18th B'day celebration.

What is friendship if there are no mistakes? We forgive and forget. =) ...

Senior year in school 2007.

... And then we make the same mistake all over again. Hah! Although for sure you’ll never forget it this time, a true friend always forgives. ;)

So I know we are forgiven! Call me SS or perasan or whatever la, I know you’re not that bad a friend. Cheers! Love you!

Stuck in a traffic jam. Notice how happily we smiled for the camera? XP

Sept 09, during practice, for Tee Xin's sister's wedding.

Always your friend,

Jennifer.

2010-11-04T19:03:00.002+08:00

Once Buddha was travelling with a few of his followers. While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, “I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake.”

The disciple walked up to the lake. At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid. The disciple thought, “How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?”

So he came back and told Buddha, “The water in there is very muddy. I don’t think it is fit to drink.”

After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake.

The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy. He returned and informed Buddha about the same.

After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back.

This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said,” See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own ── and you have clear water.

Your mind is like that too ! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don’t have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless.”

Having ‘Peace of Mind’ is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process!

Lesson : TREAT EVERYONE WITH POLITENESS EVEN THOSE WHO ARE RUDE TO YOU NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT NICE BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE.

Unspoken needs for respect and affirmation.

2010-11-02T19:37:00.006+08:00

H ear and understand me,
E ven if you disagree with me, please don't make me wrong,
A cknowledge the greatness within me,
R emember to look for my loving intentions,
T ell me the truth with compassion.

2010-10-31T03:32:00.002+08:00

I think nothing beats my stubbornness.

Reflection

2010-10-25T22:59:00.002+08:00

Read this on my cousin's notes. Thought it was beautifully written. To all men, a woman's heart is fragile, treasure her as yourself. To all women, men are not our slaves, neither should they be made to carry our shopping bags. They are to be loved, to be cherished, to be respected.
Enjoy.

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the hand above--
A woman's heart, and a woman's life
And a woman's wonderful love?

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy,
Demanding what others have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy?

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Man-like you have questioned me;
Now stand at the bar of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart to be true as God's stars,
And as pure as heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef;
I require a far better thing.
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts;
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called home,
And a man that the maker, God,
Shall look upon as he did the first
And say, "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose will fade
From my soft, young cheek one day,
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mid the bloom of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give all this, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot do this -- a laundress and cook
You can hire, with little to pay,
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.

~Mary T. Lathrap (1838-1895)

Life as it is.

2010-10-25T16:37:00.005+08:00

The only certainty about life and our existence as we know it is how changes, in and around it, are inevitable. So it’s not about being the best in what you do, or making it to the top to clinch number one place. It’s how well you move around change and adapt to it. It’s what you choose to do with the shit handed to you. Do you rise above it, surface and swim to shore to safety and a new beginning, or do you get pulled under by the currents and drown?

~Ng Kar Mun. ;)

A small sip of coffee on this rainy Satuday evening.

2010-10-23T15:36:00.006+08:00

I always help those whom i think is in need.
But I do not like to be taken advantage of because of that.

I always talk about being very 'fong pin' for i stay on the 18th floor of my Residence.
But don't worry, i never really have any serious thought about that. Yet.

I may look serious all the time,
But i actually am not as serious as you think i am.

I may look like i don't give a damn at all,
But deep inside i do, just that i hid it so you'll never know.

I may look like i know nothing, oh yes.
But i know, You know?

I may act like a serious problem doesn't affect me at all,
But it does.

I don't like to face my problems alone,
But i hate it even more if i had to share my worries.

I don't like to sleep alone,
But listen to what i've got to tell you all when i have someone with me.

You don't like to hurt others,
But sometimes you do it intentionally just to regret it later on.

You don't like hypocrites,
But sometimes you are one yourself.

You are taught to be polite to others,
But what happens when others do not reciprocate?

You are doing what you are now,
But is that really what you want to do?

You talk as if you know everything,
But do you?

You thought you can handle your own pain, you protected yourself,
But can you really?

You hesitate,
Why?

You kept things to yourself because you do not want to have others worry about you, or get even more confused,
But sometimes, sharing is caring.

So here it is. Now what?

Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know.

2010-10-19T11:16:00.003+08:00

No life is a waste;

the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.

Never give in

2010-10-17T11:58:00.005+08:00

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

Morrie Schwartz

Who is that girl i see staring straight back at me?

2010-10-12T15:10:00.005+08:00

give me the whole day. i can easily spend that 24 precious hours just thinking and doing nothing else.

i never fail to think about everything every time i get on the bus back to my college. which made the 7 minutes journey back shortened to a mere 30 seconds. how cool is that?!

i'm always thinking. and i find myself thinking even better whenever i'm on a moving vehicle, be it a bicycle, motorbike, car, bus or train... not yet an airplane. heh. seriously. it feels gooooood to be thinking, especially when you have nothing to do but wait. that's what happens when u go to the city. that's why kay-hell people moves so fast, as if their live are shortened by halves, compared to us taiping people, when we can have ALL the time we want in this beautiful peaceful taiping town.

whenever i want to get out of this creepy small hostel room, i have to think. (oh, maybe this's one of the reasons i've been thinking so much too.) how long would this journey take? how far is my destination from my place? do i have enough time to spend with my friends? am i ever going to get back in time? its peak hour! i can't go out or get back during peak hours! which leaves me to; going back later at night. which then lead to; how am i getting back before the night falls and all hamsap looking taxi drivers start charging you double the price when it comes to midnight? no offense to some really really nice taxi drivers, but i cant help it! geeez. and before the lrt gets isolated and leaves u alone with some weird looking foreign workers staring at you like you'll be their next victim??? D= i would rather then tumpang any of my friends' place to stay for the night for my life is too worthy to be risked that way thank you. thanks agnes and yan! that's what friends are for right? and i got a free gift from dear yan too. a toothbrush! i forgot to bring mine. no, i did not forget, i dont even plan to stay over. see, that's what happens. these are the kind of friends u need when u stay in kay-hell. oh dear.

that's how sad those city people are. no offense to kay-hell ppl ya. yes, it's kay-hell. lei chui ah!

half of their day are spent on traveling alone. SO MOU LIU. sides, come weekends, and u'll see everybody rushing out of their houses buying a week's worth of groceries and whatever necessities. hey! we buy fresh from market everyday wan ok! EVERYDAY. no need rush rush wan. no need planning wan. we only need to think what food to buy on that day. and that's it! yal have to plan for one whole week! hah! blek! we win we win! ignore me madness please.

so what happen to those times when i can sit down n think and lepak all the time without worrying about those stuff above? when i can enjoy every single silent moment i can have?

we are all going too fast now, too fast that we don't even care to stop. STOP. just stop and think about today. stop and start reflecting on today. what did you do? what happened this morning? was that the right thing to do? have u just ignored someone who was calling after you just now? when there is a chance to help someone in need, did u take that chance? or were u too busy with your own life that u didn't even noticed? did u say hi? HAVE U SMILED AT ALL TODAY? there.

now go and take some time off, relax and do something for yourself.

silence. so beautiful, so peaceful, yet so difficult to obtain.

Home by Rooster

2010-10-05T00:01:00.003+08:00

I like to live life in motion
No time for slowing down
No time to turn around
Im just a wave on this ocean
Moving fast until the day that I come crashing down
But I wont make a sound
Sometimes we all feel broken
And we need a place to hide

I find my way home
Every road that takes me takes me home
To a place I know my time is mine alone
Home
I find my way home
Cause you know its good to get your feet back on the ground

I need to see new horizons
Watch the red eye setting fire to a thousand skies
Makes me feel alive
I spread my wings free fall diving
And I am constantly reminded that
Sometimes we all feel broken
And we need a place to hide

Its time to save me from myself
Lock me up inside
Floating on a feeling I cant hide
I find my way home

I find my way home
Every road that takes me takes me home
To a place I know my time is mine alone
Home
I find my way home
Cause you know its good to put your feet down

屋顶

2010-10-03T15:29:00.003+08:00

半夜睡不著觉把心情哼成歌

只好到屋顶找另一个梦境

睡梦中被敲醒我还是不确定

怎会有动人弦律在对面的屋顶

我悄悄关上门带著希望上去

原来是我梦里常出现的那个人

那个人不就是我梦里那模糊的人

我们有同样的默契

用天线排成爱你的形状

在屋顶唱著你的歌

在屋顶和我爱的人　

让星星点缀成最浪漫的夜晚

拥抱这时刻这一分一秒全都停止

爱开始纠结

在屋顶唱著你的歌　

在屋顶和我爱的人　

将泛黄的夜献给最孤独的月

拥抱这时刻这一分一秒全都停止

爱开始纠结

梦有你而美

让我爱你是谁　让你爱我是谁

怎会有动人弦律环绕在我俩的身边

让我爱你是谁让你爱我是谁

原来是这屋顶有美丽的邂逅

在屋顶唱著你的歌在屋顶和我爱的人

Punishment does not work, wants to impress

2010-10-02T11:59:00.003+08:00

The first born lives in a world of conditional love. Always thinking that love can be lost at any moment the first born interacts cautiously with others.

The Beginning

The first born starts life as an only child basking in more than enough love. Everything changes when mother brings this tiny stranger home from who-knows-where. When the stranger whimpers, mother tells the first born to wait while she takes care of the baby. The oldest child is stunned at being rejected. He never got set aside like this before.

"Is It Something I Did?

As the oldest child watches mother have entirely too much fun with this stranger he (or she) concludes that he must have done something terribly wrong for mother to reject him. He begins to feel guilty about what he does, thinks and feels, a sense of guilt that carries on throughout life. But, he can never figure out what he did wrong.

Lifelong Implications

The first born lives in fear that he will inadvertently offend someone so that what little love there is will be lost. He is afraid to say what he thinks, wants or feels so "I don't know" becomes a standard answer. What do you think? I don't know. What do you want for supper? I don't know. What would you like to do tonight? I don't know.

First Born Body Language

Body language lets you identify the first born as he keeps nodding his head in agreement. The first born waits to know what you think before venturing an opinion, an opinion that will agree with what you said. The first born will expend great effort to please you if you mention what you want. However, real interaction with the first born is difficult.

First Borns

First borns do have strengths. Having led younger siblings, they tend to be leaders that others will follow. Listening to others makes them into research thinkers that enable them to pursue research tirelessly. Clearly, firstborns are natural leaders. They also tend to be reliable, conscientious and perfectionists who don't like surprises.

They love to be right and hate to be contradicted. Oldest children may show off their knowledge or abilities to other children or adults in order to gain appreciation, love and respect. They are competent at an early age and may be responsible beyond their years. In some cases, this causes the first born to grow up too quickly, which may affect them throughout their lives to come.

When first borns do not achieve their goals, they often suffer from extreme guilt. They feel as though they've failed themselves, their parents, and those around them. They feel a loss of love from others when they've failed, whether or not that loss is actually there. They also have a strong sense of justice which contributes to their feeling of guilt - they think that people should get what they deserve. This makes it that much harder to convince a first born that failing at a project does not make them a bad person.

2010-09-24T20:49:00.005+08:00

.
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts,

there can be no more hurt, only more love.
.

2010-09-23T22:24:00.003+08:00

.
.

You're not alone together we stand I'll be by your side,
you know I'll take your hand

Katherine Mcphee's

2010-09-14T04:15:00.000+08:00

Terrified

You by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world
Full of wrong
You're the thing that's right
Finally made it
Through the lonely
To the other side

You set it again
My hearts in motion
Every word feels
Like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows
Burning in the dark
And I'm in love
And I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life

This could be good
Its already better than that
And nothings worse
Than knowing your holding back
I could be all that you need
If you let me try

I only said it 'cause I mean it
Oh I only mean it
'Cause its true
So don't you tear
What I've been dreaming
'Cause it keeps me up
And holds me close
Whenever I'm without you

This ...

2010-06-11T20:16:00.005+08:00

... is a true story.

if u're busy with something, my advice : dont read it. it's not good for u anyway. but if u still want to read it, please find time for yourself, be patient, and read every single word on this page.

* Emundo @ ooieejane.

Emundo : anda sudah clarify sebenarnya siapa yg anda nampak itu?

Jenn : tidak.. actually i terlupa gitau txin sesuatu.

before i went to sleep, that is, i was on the bed.

right before i 'shut down'. i was feeling very uneasy.

i duno how to explain the feeling

but it was not smtg u always feel.

this i never felt before wan.

it felt like smtg was disturbing me.

but not like touch.

i just felt it.

so, i had difficulty trying to sleep.

but i really wanna sleep, cuz i've 8am class the next day.

so i just tried to sleep. that time i was also half asleep already.

i didnt like open my eyes n think wat this uneasy feeling is about

my eyes were closed, i was just hoping i'll sleep soon.

then, after some time, i started thinking.

this is not normal liao ah. y so weird wan.

but my eyes were closed.

still trying to sleep.

alot of things in my mind that time.

then, i kept on like, trying to kick off smtg..

and at times, suddenly terkejut, u know when ur body suddenly just reacted.

it happens. but after having a few of those stuff

i think, i manage to shut down. then, i thought i heard ‘her’ coming back. 'she' opened the door, came in, and put 'her' stuff on the bed/table.[this's according to what i hear, (whether in the dreams, or reality, im not sure)]

so, 'she' came in.

i was already covered with my blanket.

and i kind of saw 'her' ( it was blur, but im kind of sure it was 'her')

'she' was coming towards me, then like, pull my blanket higher so that it covers till my neck

and once it reached my neck.

i couldnt breathe.

like cannot breathe. i duno where 'she' went. but i cudnt see 'her' already

and i was struggling for air.

i cant breathe at all. suffocating.

and i cudnt get up. i was lying down on my bed

Emundo : but thats weird that 'she' would do that right.

as in adjust the blanket for you.

Jenn : yes, its weird that 'she' wud do that.

so scary.

so i tried to pull myself up to a sitting position

but i cudnt get up, no matter how hard i tried.

i cant move at all.

so i started chanting the namoamitohood thing

i think that was wat i was suppose to do rite?

i duno whether i did it correctly

but i kept on repeating the words in my head

then it became louder n louder, and as it goes, i can pull myself up bit by bit

but the max i cud reach is bout 40 degrees?

i cant go further

and i thought i saw 'her' sitting at the 'her' table.

so, i think, i did try to call out to 'her'.

but 'she' didnt respond

and in my head i was thinking

my god, tmrw morning the first thing ''she'll'' do is to shift out.

cuz the chants, n me calling 'her' like really loud, it's gona scare 'her' away.

Emundo : you know about what time was that?

like how long after you shut down?

the chants?

Jenn : but 'she' didnt respond

its weird

i think very soon after i shut down, it happen dy

the last time i check

it was bout 12am

the namoamitohood?

i duno. i gota ask mizen the rite way to say it liao

yea. so...she didnt respond!

and i stil cudnt breathe noe

Emundo : the namo didnt work?

Jenn : it worked

it gets louder as i repeat it, in my head

Emundo : and then?

Jenn : and i cud get up for 40degrees ma

Emundo : you mean, it gets louder from your mouth?

Jenn : yes! but i duno that mouth was the mouth in my dreams, or the mouth in reality

but i think, it was only in my head.

anyway, it gets louder, and i manage to get up a bit.

then she din respond.

Emundo : so 'she' was still there?

Jenn : yea.

and i din wana get back lying down, cuz i know once i lie down, i cudnt get back up anymore

cuz it took so much of me to reach that 40 degrees

so i stayed at that position, trying to get 'her' attention, but 'she' didnt seem to hear anything

and then, i think i woke up.

when i woke up, was when i really hear 'her' coming back.

when i hear 'her' opening the door, i can also hear a lot of noise like 'she' brought a whole bunch of people with 'her' like dat ..and its really noisy.

Emundo : and then what happen to the fake 'her'?

Jenn : the fake 'her' disappeared

Emundo : so the real 'her' opened the door?

Jenn : the real one.

i remember saying to myself, omg, why did 'she' bring so many people here??

after that, when 'she' came in..i woke up

terus wake up. and realised that im awake.

so i checked my hp

it was 12.45am .

Emundo : so did the real one really brought people into the room?

Jenn : no, no one.

dia saja

and after i checked my hp, i closed my eyes, and start to think what the hell just hapenened to me.

i was trying to recall as much as i could

cuz i know i sure forget wan

if i dun do it that time.

and yes.

i manage to recall eveything.

but before that, i texted u first

to prove that i was really awake

and it wasnt a dream or smtg..when i really woke up.

yea. and i recall n recal n recall.

then i was waiting for her to maybe ask me if i was ok or anything

but tiada

she went to shower

and i wanted to ask her immediately if there's anything unusual yg berlaku

but she shower sipek long.

Emundo : so probably the noise are the 'people' leaving? 1245 was how long after you slept?

Jenn : i 'ter'sleep liao. cuz i was also really tired.

***

that was my first.

2010-06-04T16:01:00.002+08:00

.
I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,

And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;

Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,

And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;

There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,

And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,

I hear it in the deep heart's core.

♥ my. new. BABY ! ♥

2010-04-16T18:19:00.010+08:00

it has finally arrived. =)
meichen told me earlier today, that my new guitar has arrived in malaysia. it's in kl now. XD
so i guess i would get it rather soon, maybe in about a week. XD

***

so as i was surveying for my laptop later today...

**msg alert on hp**
ei?
so i check my message.
**mesage received from meichen. view?**
so i open my inbox & here is the message.

(meichen) "Hey, your guitar is here in the building.
Can you come now? or before 5.30pm?"

(me) "AHHHH!!!!! U serious?? XD XD XD XD XD.
But it is raining now.
Will u be around if i come later?
When the weather gets better?"

(meichen) "I'll be there, but
i will be teaching till 9pm.."

(me) "Oh, meaning u're free
from now till 5.30 later?
And will be teaching from 5.30-9.00?

(meichen) "Yup ;-) if u cant,
you can have it tmrw! haha!"

(me) "i want it i want it! XD
i guess i'll come around 4.50.
give the rain bout an hour to stop.
i hope it gets better by then.. :-S"

***

and here it is.
after 15 days of anticipation.............*drumrolls*

yup. it turn out to be like this. nah, im kidding. XP

***

HERE IS MY BABY.

IT IS A B.E.A.U.T.Y.!!! ♥

LOVE IT!! ♥

=P

2010-04-01T23:14:00.010+08:00

my lau khok khok guitar.

Santa Cruz MC-901 CVS or MG-901 CVS (the words were too faded to be seen)

the back of it.

the action's getting worse every day, unless i change a new set of strings.

scratches, and more scratches...oh my....

anyways, i still love it. =) been with me for so long now. lotsa sweet memories come with this guitar. will never forget them.. =))))